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Plant Sentenced to Death on Dorm Windowsill

A local coleus was selected from a UF plant drop, blissfully unaware that being handled by exploratory freshman Kendra Cotton is synonymous with certain...

Ominous Broadcast Interrupts Homecoming Game

Yesterday morning, the football stadium was ablaze in orange and blue colors as fans cheered and music played. Suddenly, silence fell as...

Depressed Student Eats Subway Five Days in a Row

A geology sophomore was recently spotted at the Rawlings Subway, the saddest Subway of them all, a full five days in a...

Krishna Ditches Refills, Causes Local Recession

The city of Gainesville has been consumed by a frenzy of unemployment, inflation and rising store prices after Krishna lunch ruled out...

UF Health Requiring Students Verify Covid Status with Pinky Swear

In the interest of protecting the health and welfare of students, UF Health has implemented a new protocol for validating data gathered...

Engineering Student Reinvents Wheel

Sophomore engineering students Cody Sinclair and Marc Thompkins have broken ground with a brand-new invention. “You know the saying,...

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STUDY: Students who miss Convocation 90% more likely to fail in school, relationships, life

A new study conducted by the National Board of Disregarding Convocation (NBD for short) has provided some insight as to why students who skip...

Professor offers 1 word reply to student’s desperate 10 paragraph email

After a debaucherous night at Midtown, freshman political science major Nathan Cook awoke in a haze Thursday morning to discover that he had completely...

Cicerone Walks Backwards Through Graduation

Amidst the graduation ceremonies this week, one student made waves by letting an unusual habit kick in during commencement. Gary Callio, 22, was graduating Suma Cum...

Harvard Declares Itself ‘UF of the North’

After being declared a top eight private school, Harvard, a research university located in Cambridge, Massachusetts, is proud to adopt a new title: ”The...

Study Group Fails Exam But Makes Lifelong Friendships

UF’s record for longest continuous joint study session was recently set by a collection of students who came together to prepare for the first...

UF Health physicians recommend washing hands after touching FSU students

In reaction to an outbreak of Hand, Foot and Mouth disease at Florida State University, UF Health physicians are urging any UF students to...

LSU Tigers Added to Endangered Species List

Scientists and amateur football analysts have recently made the decision to add the LSU Tigers to the list of endangered animals and mascots. Their addition...

New Starbucks to open inside Marston Starbucks

University of Florida President, Kent Fuchs, announced Monday that a long-awaited 7th on-campus Starbucks will be opening inside of the Marston Science Library Starbucks. The...