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Plant Sentenced to Death on Dorm Windowsill

A local coleus was selected from a UF plant drop, blissfully unaware that being handled by exploratory freshman Kendra Cotton is synonymous with certain...

Ominous Broadcast Interrupts Homecoming Game

Yesterday morning, the football stadium was ablaze in orange and blue colors as fans cheered and music played. Suddenly, silence fell as...

Depressed Student Eats Subway Five Days in a Row

A geology sophomore was recently spotted at the Rawlings Subway, the saddest Subway of them all, a full five days in a...

Krishna Ditches Refills, Causes Local Recession

The city of Gainesville has been consumed by a frenzy of unemployment, inflation and rising store prices after Krishna lunch ruled out...

UF Health Requiring Students Verify Covid Status with Pinky Swear

In the interest of protecting the health and welfare of students, UF Health has implemented a new protocol for validating data gathered...

Engineering Student Reinvents Wheel

Sophomore engineering students Cody Sinclair and Marc Thompkins have broken ground with a brand-new invention. “You know the saying,...

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Report: Group project has now turned into solo project

A final group project for an introduction to speaking class seems to have rapidly transformed into a final solo project for one freshman student,...

New Starbucks to open inside Marston Starbucks

University of Florida President, Kent Fuchs, announced Monday that a long-awaited 7th on-campus Starbucks will be opening inside of the Marston Science Library Starbucks. The...

STUDY: Students who miss Convocation 90% more likely to fail in school, relationships, life

A new study conducted by the National Board of Disregarding Convocation (NBD for short) has provided some insight as to why students who skip...

Study: FSU students talk about Gators more than UF students

Results from a recent study show that the average Florida State University student talks about the Gators significantly more than University of Florida students. “That...

Classmate You Thought Was Exotic Actually From Ocala

In a shocking turn of events, that girl you talked to that one time in your class who seemed to clearly be exotic, was...

Grad Student Still Reminiscing about Study Abroad from 4 Years Ago

Studying abroad is an incredible opportunity that allows students to experience foreign food, culture, and education. For McKayla James, a grad student at the...

Stranger in Marston Vows to Defend Laptop To His Dying Breath

A stranger has reportedly entrusted another stranger with the responsibility of defending their laptop against the thieving hands of other strangers in Marston Library. English...

Senior forgets to take picture with Bull Gator, not allowed to graduate

One fewer Gator will be receiving their diploma during this spring’s graduation ceremony after a student made one tragic mistake this past week. Jennifer McMahey,...