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Plant Sentenced to Death on Dorm Windowsill

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A local coleus was selected from a UF plant drop, blissfully unaware that being handled by exploratory freshman Kendra Cotton is synonymous with certain...
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Ominous Broadcast Interrupts Homecoming Game

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Yesterday morning, the football stadium was ablaze in orange and blue colors as fans cheered and music played. Suddenly, silence fell as...
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Depressed Student Eats Subway Five Days in a Row

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A geology sophomore was recently spotted at the Rawlings Subway, the saddest Subway of them all, a full five days in a...
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Krishna Ditches Refills, Causes Local Recession

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The city of Gainesville has been consumed by a frenzy of unemployment, inflation and rising store prices after Krishna lunch ruled out...
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UF Health Requiring Students Verify Covid Status with Pinky Swear

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In the interest of protecting the health and welfare of students, UF Health has implemented a new protocol for validating data gathered...
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Engineering Student Reinvents Wheel

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Sophomore engineering students Cody Sinclair and Marc Thompkins have broken ground with a brand-new invention. “You know the saying,...
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Study: FSU students talk about Gators more than UF students

Results from a recent study show that the average Florida State University student talks about the Gators significantly more than University of Florida students. “That...
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Alumni Takes Out Loan for UF Giving Day

UF Giving Day is one of the most important days of the year for students and alumni. That’s why 2018 grad...
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Student with severed limb diagnosed with cold by UF Infirmary

A highly qualified doctor at the University of Florida’s student infirmary checked the symptoms of a student who walked in after having his right...
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BREAKING: Reitz Union votes to leave UF

After a recent poll, the residents of the Reitz Union have voted to leave the University of Florida. The results of the poll have shocked...
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Freshman blacks out on Arizona iced tea

According to eyewitnesses at local PoliSci student Rebecca Morse’s house party, a freshman student reportedly got ‘blackout drunk’ on a .99 Arizona iced tea...
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Senior forgets to take picture with Bull Gator, not allowed to graduate

One fewer Gator will be receiving their diploma during this spring’s graduation ceremony after a student made one tragic mistake this past week. Jennifer McMahey,...
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SG Political Debate Derails Thanksgiving Dinner

UF freshman Jenna Laughlin knew the political debate was inevitable when she sat down to Thanksgiving dinner. “Especially in this political climate, debates should be...
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Turlington Biker Fears No God, Rules, Or Masters

A sacrilegious bicycle rider known as the Turlington Biker has been terrorizing innocent people in Turlington Plaza. Students are cowering behind The Potato with bruised ankles...
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