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Plant Sentenced to Death on Dorm Windowsill

A local coleus was selected from a UF plant drop, blissfully unaware that being handled by exploratory freshman Kendra Cotton is synonymous with certain...

Ominous Broadcast Interrupts Homecoming Game

Yesterday morning, the football stadium was ablaze in orange and blue colors as fans cheered and music played. Suddenly, silence fell as...

Depressed Student Eats Subway Five Days in a Row

A geology sophomore was recently spotted at the Rawlings Subway, the saddest Subway of them all, a full five days in a...

Krishna Ditches Refills, Causes Local Recession

The city of Gainesville has been consumed by a frenzy of unemployment, inflation and rising store prices after Krishna lunch ruled out...

UF Health Requiring Students Verify Covid Status with Pinky Swear

In the interest of protecting the health and welfare of students, UF Health has implemented a new protocol for validating data gathered...

Engineering Student Reinvents Wheel

Sophomore engineering students Cody Sinclair and Marc Thompkins have broken ground with a brand-new invention. “You know the saying,...

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Wow! This Study Abroad Student Became Bilingual In 10 Days!

One student who participated in a study abroad program over summer has shocked and awed her peers this week by returning this semester completely...

Graduating Senior Lands Dream Unpaid Internship

After four rigorous years of coursework and countless applications, senior John Baker accomploished his lifelong dream: an unpaid internship. “This is the best—I’m literally going...

Report: Freshman has been lost in Turlington since first class

Police responded to a call early this morning that a lost and emaciated freshman had been found in Turlington Hall. According to the report,...

New Starbucks to open inside Marston Starbucks

University of Florida President, Kent Fuchs, announced Monday that a long-awaited 7th on-campus Starbucks will be opening inside of the Marston Science Library Starbucks. The...

Classmate You Thought Was Exotic Actually From Ocala

In a shocking turn of events, that girl you talked to that one time in your class who seemed to clearly be exotic, was...

Professor offers 1 word reply to student’s desperate 10 paragraph email

After a debaucherous night at Midtown, freshman political science major Nathan Cook awoke in a haze Thursday morning to discover that he had completely...

LSU Tigers Added to Endangered Species List

Scientists and amateur football analysts have recently made the decision to add the LSU Tigers to the list of endangered animals and mascots. Their addition...

Turlington Tabling group tables at Turlington

A new group has laid claim to that one table in the middle on the left at Turlington. The “Turlington Tabling Group” or simply “the...