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Plant Sentenced to Death on Dorm Windowsill

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A local coleus was selected from a UF plant drop, blissfully unaware that being handled by exploratory freshman Kendra Cotton is synonymous with certain...
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Ominous Broadcast Interrupts Homecoming Game

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Yesterday morning, the football stadium was ablaze in orange and blue colors as fans cheered and music played. Suddenly, silence fell as...
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Depressed Student Eats Subway Five Days in a Row

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A geology sophomore was recently spotted at the Rawlings Subway, the saddest Subway of them all, a full five days in a...
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Krishna Ditches Refills, Causes Local Recession

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The city of Gainesville has been consumed by a frenzy of unemployment, inflation and rising store prices after Krishna lunch ruled out...
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UF Health Requiring Students Verify Covid Status with Pinky Swear

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In the interest of protecting the health and welfare of students, UF Health has implemented a new protocol for validating data gathered...
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Engineering Student Reinvents Wheel

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Sophomore engineering students Cody Sinclair and Marc Thompkins have broken ground with a brand-new invention. “You know the saying,...
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UF student graduates, raises family before SNAP van finally arrives

A special report was brought to the Crocodile recently regarding an incident that took place in 1985, where a UF alumnus claims that his...
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Cicerone Walks Backwards Through Graduation

Amidst the graduation ceremonies this week, one student made waves by letting an unusual habit kick in during commencement. Gary Callio, 22, was graduating Suma Cum...
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SG Political Debate Derails Thanksgiving Dinner

UF freshman Jenna Laughlin knew the political debate was inevitable when she sat down to Thanksgiving dinner. “Especially in this political climate, debates should be...
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Good Life student reaches enlightenment

  After completing his Analytical Essay the Sunday night before it was due, “What is the Good Life?” student Tyler Oram successfully found enlightenment. In...
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Report: Freshman has been lost in Turlington since first class

Police responded to a call early this morning that a lost and emaciated freshman had been found in Turlington Hall. According to the report,...
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UF To add 1 new parking spot

UF administration is making a “bold new move” in relieving one of the biggest concerns amongst students on campus. The associate director of UF...
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BREAKING: Reitz Union votes to leave UF

After a recent poll, the residents of the Reitz Union have voted to leave the University of Florida. The results of the poll have shocked...
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STUDY: Students who miss Convocation 90% more likely to fail in school, relationships, life

A new study conducted by the National Board of Disregarding Convocation (NBD for short) has provided some insight as to why students who skip...
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