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Gators Football to Become Contactless Sport

The UF sports community felt shockwaves over the announcement that college football will become a contactless sport. The news comes after claims...

Honors Student Chokes to Death on Own Ego

Honors student and computer science freshman Emilia Emsworth recently passed away after she choked to death on her own ego.

Recent UF Grad Unhireable Due to Lack of 10 Years Experience

When one student recently graduated from the University of Florida with a degree in literature she soon realized her past four years...

Ancient Clay Tablet Reveals Preview Staffer Origins

A research team from the University of Florida’s archaeology department has discovered a clay tablet that sheds light on the elusive origin...

Luxury Gainesville Apartment Only Has One Roach

As development overtakes Gainesville, yet another luxury apartment has been built near Midtown. However, this complex is being praised for offering something...

Student Finally Quits Quarantine Hobby

One psychology junior said she vowed to use her time in quarantine to finally pick up a hobby, do something productive, or...

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SG Political Debate Derails Thanksgiving Dinner

UF freshman Jenna Laughlin knew the political debate was inevitable when she sat down to Thanksgiving dinner. “Especially in this political climate, debates should be...

Classmate You Thought Was Exotic Actually From Ocala

In a shocking turn of events, that girl you talked to that one time in your class who seemed to clearly be exotic, was...

Freshman Experiences First Day of Rainesville Jokes

A freshman has finally been initiated as a UF student after being treated to his first day of hearing the entire student body’s exhausted...

Report: Group project has now turned into solo project

A final group project for an introduction to speaking class seems to have rapidly transformed into a final solo project for one freshman student,...

Professor offers 1 word reply to student’s desperate 10 paragraph email

After a debaucherous night at Midtown, freshman political science major Nathan Cook awoke in a haze Thursday morning to discover that he had completely...

Local Band Hare Krishna Drops New Single

For the first time since their 1965 MTV Music Video award for song of the year, local band Hare Krishna plans to release a...

Grad Student Still Reminiscing about Study Abroad from 4 Years Ago

Studying abroad is an incredible opportunity that allows students to experience foreign food, culture, and education. For McKayla James, a grad student at the...

UF Freshman Pretends to Know How to Do Laundry

Melissa Totes, 18, was able to fool her peers for at least an hour in the Graham Area laundry room on Monday by acting...