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Plant Sentenced to Death on Dorm Windowsill

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A local coleus was selected from a UF plant drop, blissfully unaware that being handled by exploratory freshman Kendra Cotton is synonymous with certain...
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Ominous Broadcast Interrupts Homecoming Game

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Yesterday morning, the football stadium was ablaze in orange and blue colors as fans cheered and music played. Suddenly, silence fell as...
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Depressed Student Eats Subway Five Days in a Row

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A geology sophomore was recently spotted at the Rawlings Subway, the saddest Subway of them all, a full five days in a...
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Krishna Ditches Refills, Causes Local Recession

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The city of Gainesville has been consumed by a frenzy of unemployment, inflation and rising store prices after Krishna lunch ruled out...
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UF Health Requiring Students Verify Covid Status with Pinky Swear

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In the interest of protecting the health and welfare of students, UF Health has implemented a new protocol for validating data gathered...
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Engineering Student Reinvents Wheel

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Sophomore engineering students Cody Sinclair and Marc Thompkins have broken ground with a brand-new invention. “You know the saying,...
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Professor offers 1 word reply to student’s desperate 10 paragraph email

After a debaucherous night at Midtown, freshman political science major Nathan Cook awoke in a haze Thursday morning to discover that he had completely...
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Alabama fan to brush tooth before SEC game

In order to get dressed up for the SEC Championship game, University of Alabama student Cletus Dunlop has decided to brush his tooth Friday...
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Report: Construction workers just banging on stuff

The numerous construction sites around the University of Florida have been recently revealed to actually be just a bunch of dudes banging on stuff. The...
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Report: Freshman has been lost in Turlington since first class

Police responded to a call early this morning that a lost and emaciated freshman had been found in Turlington Hall. According to the report,...
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Alumni Takes Out Loan for UF Giving Day

UF Giving Day is one of the most important days of the year for students and alumni. That’s why 2018 grad...
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Breaking: A UF student is from Miami!

In a shocking twist of events, the University of Florida has discovered one of their freshman students, Enrique Ramirez, is from the rare region...
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Girl Decorates Dorm With Exotic Tapestry From Target

A freshman student has been commended for her astounding interior design skills after she decorated the walls of her double room dorm with a...
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Good Life student reaches enlightenment

  After completing his Analytical Essay the Sunday night before it was due, “What is the Good Life?” student Tyler Oram successfully found enlightenment. In...
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The Crocodile is the University of Florida's source for the most important news, and most importantly, no news at all. Does this hit the footer word count yet?

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