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UF Deletes all Social Media Accounts besides TikTok

In an unexpected turn of events, the University of Florida has deactivated its Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and even Linkedin accounts, leaving TikTok as the university’s...

Gators Football to Become Contactless Sport

The UF sports community felt shockwaves over the announcement that college football will become a contactless sport. The news comes after claims...

Honors Student Chokes to Death on Own Ego

Honors student and computer science freshman Emilia Emsworth recently passed away after she choked to death on her own ego.

Recent UF Grad Unhireable Due to Lack of 10 Years Experience

When one student recently graduated from the University of Florida with a degree in literature she soon realized her past four years...

Ancient Clay Tablet Reveals Preview Staffer Origins

A research team from the University of Florida’s archaeology department has discovered a clay tablet that sheds light on the elusive origin...

Luxury Gainesville Apartment Only Has One Roach

As development overtakes Gainesville, yet another luxury apartment has been built near Midtown. However, this complex is being praised for offering something...

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Late Guy in Suit Really Wants Class to Know He Had Interview

According to his Intro to Accounting class, one student burst in through the door of his 23 minutes after the lecture had begun, and...

Cicerone Walks Backwards Through Graduation

Amidst the graduation ceremonies this week, one student made waves by letting an unusual habit kick in during commencement. Gary Callio, 22, was graduating Suma Cum...

Professor offers 1 word reply to student’s desperate 10 paragraph email

After a debaucherous night at Midtown, freshman political science major Nathan Cook awoke in a haze Thursday morning to discover that he had completely...

Freshman who is “technically a Junior” adored by all

GAINESVILLE – Being a freshman can be tough. New students often struggle with making friends, balancing schoolwork and free time, and just getting adjusted...

Tropical storm most exciting thing to happen in Gainesville over summer

In an unexpected turn of events, something interesting has happened in Gainesville over the summer with the landfall of a tropical storm. Tropical Storm Colin,...

UF Campus to be Demolished, Replaced with Luxury Apartments

On Sunday, the University of Florida announced that it has sold the entirety of its campus to luxury apartment developer, Bertram Construction, LLC. The news came...

Report: Construction workers just banging on stuff

The numerous construction sites around the University of Florida have been recently revealed to actually be just a bunch of dudes banging on stuff. The...

Student with severed limb diagnosed with cold by UF Infirmary

A highly qualified doctor at the University of Florida’s student infirmary checked the symptoms of a student who walked in after having his right...