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Plant Sentenced to Death on Dorm Windowsill

A local coleus was selected from a UF plant drop, blissfully unaware that being handled by exploratory freshman Kendra Cotton is synonymous with certain...

Ominous Broadcast Interrupts Homecoming Game

Yesterday morning, the football stadium was ablaze in orange and blue colors as fans cheered and music played. Suddenly, silence fell as...

Depressed Student Eats Subway Five Days in a Row

A geology sophomore was recently spotted at the Rawlings Subway, the saddest Subway of them all, a full five days in a...

Krishna Ditches Refills, Causes Local Recession

The city of Gainesville has been consumed by a frenzy of unemployment, inflation and rising store prices after Krishna lunch ruled out...

UF Health Requiring Students Verify Covid Status with Pinky Swear

In the interest of protecting the health and welfare of students, UF Health has implemented a new protocol for validating data gathered...

Engineering Student Reinvents Wheel

Sophomore engineering students Cody Sinclair and Marc Thompkins have broken ground with a brand-new invention. “You know the saying,...

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Late Guy in Suit Really Wants Class to Know He Had Interview

According to his Intro to Accounting class, one student burst in through the door of his 23 minutes after the lecture had begun, and...

UFPD Stops Underground Scooter Racing Ring

A UFPD spokesman announced that they had stopped a heinous crime ring this week, by exposing a gang of scooter racing deviants on campus. “We...

LSU Tigers Added to Endangered Species List

Scientists and amateur football analysts have recently made the decision to add the LSU Tigers to the list of endangered animals and mascots. Their addition...

Shands in Need of More Orange and Blue Blood Donations

For the first time in decades the Gator Nation appears to be facing a shortage in school pride as SHANDS begs students to bleed...

Turlington Biker Fears No God, Rules, Or Masters

A sacrilegious bicycle rider known as the Turlington Biker has been terrorizing innocent people in Turlington Plaza. Students are cowering behind The Potato with bruised ankles...

Cicerone Walks Backwards Through Graduation

Amidst the graduation ceremonies this week, one student made waves by letting an unusual habit kick in during commencement. Gary Callio, 22, was graduating Suma Cum...

SG Political Debate Derails Thanksgiving Dinner

UF freshman Jenna Laughlin knew the political debate was inevitable when she sat down to Thanksgiving dinner. “Especially in this political climate, debates should be...

Study Group Fails Exam But Makes Lifelong Friendships

UF’s record for longest continuous joint study session was recently set by a collection of students who came together to prepare for the first...