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Plant Sentenced to Death on Dorm Windowsill

A local coleus was selected from a UF plant drop, blissfully unaware that being handled by exploratory freshman Kendra Cotton is synonymous with certain...

Ominous Broadcast Interrupts Homecoming Game

Yesterday morning, the football stadium was ablaze in orange and blue colors as fans cheered and music played. Suddenly, silence fell as...

Depressed Student Eats Subway Five Days in a Row

A geology sophomore was recently spotted at the Rawlings Subway, the saddest Subway of them all, a full five days in a...

Krishna Ditches Refills, Causes Local Recession

The city of Gainesville has been consumed by a frenzy of unemployment, inflation and rising store prices after Krishna lunch ruled out...

UF Health Requiring Students Verify Covid Status with Pinky Swear

In the interest of protecting the health and welfare of students, UF Health has implemented a new protocol for validating data gathered...

Engineering Student Reinvents Wheel

Sophomore engineering students Cody Sinclair and Marc Thompkins have broken ground with a brand-new invention. “You know the saying,...

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Stranger in Marston Vows to Defend Laptop To His Dying Breath

A stranger has reportedly entrusted another stranger with the responsibility of defending their laptop against the thieving hands of other strangers in Marston Library. English...

Late Guy in Suit Really Wants Class to Know He Had Interview

According to his Intro to Accounting class, one student burst in through the door of his 23 minutes after the lecture had begun, and...

Breaking: A UF student is from Miami!

In a shocking twist of events, the University of Florida has discovered one of their freshman students, Enrique Ramirez, is from the rare region...

Tennessee Fans to Tailgate in Supervised, Mud-Filled Pen

UFPD announced Thursday that visiting Tennessee fans would be relegated to tailgating in a supervised, mud-filled pen. “This was done for both the safety...

Study: FSU students talk about Gators more than UF students

Results from a recent study show that the average Florida State University student talks about the Gators significantly more than University of Florida students. “That...

Turlington Biker Fears No God, Rules, Or Masters

A sacrilegious bicycle rider known as the Turlington Biker has been terrorizing innocent people in Turlington Plaza. Students are cowering behind The Potato with bruised ankles...

Classmate You Thought Was Exotic Actually From Ocala

In a shocking turn of events, that girl you talked to that one time in your class who seemed to clearly be exotic, was...

Turlington Tabling group tables at Turlington

A new group has laid claim to that one table in the middle on the left at Turlington. The “Turlington Tabling Group” or simply “the...