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Team Of Loveable Misfits Solves Murder Mystery, Fails Group Project

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TURLINGTON - Against all odds, and after weeks of hard work and single-minded effort, a ragtag team of loveable misfits has succeeded...
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Biochem Professor Forgets to Unmute For Entire Semester

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“I have literally not learned anything,” confided student Sarah Rangesh earlier this morning, when the penny finally dropped. “We are all definitely...
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UF To Require All Incoming Freshmen To Be Over 6 Feet Tall

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In a decision that “Definitely has nothing to do with being in the Top 5,” according to President Fuchs, UF is now...
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Entirety of UF Campus Closed for Construction

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On Sunday, the University of Florida announced that they would be taking on another massive construction project. Said to be their most...
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Rejected Gators Allowed to Pay for Cardboard Cut-out in Lecture Hall

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Hope is not lost for the 37,293 students rejected from the University of Florida mid-February. For the cost of an application fee,...
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Century Tower Debuts “Chill Lo-Fi Bell Tones To Study To”

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With exams on the horizon, and the consant hordes of students commuting across campus to study, complete an onslaught of assignments, University...
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Cicerone Walks Backwards Through Graduation

Amidst the graduation ceremonies this week, one student made waves by letting an unusual habit kick in during commencement. Gary Callio, 22, was graduating Suma Cum...
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BREAKING: Reitz Union votes to leave UF

After a recent poll, the residents of the Reitz Union have voted to leave the University of Florida. The results of the poll have shocked...
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UFPD Stops Underground Scooter Racing Ring

A UFPD spokesman announced that they had stopped a heinous crime ring this week, by exposing a gang of scooter racing deviants on campus. “We...
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UF Campus to be Demolished, Replaced with Luxury Apartments

On Sunday, the University of Florida announced that it has sold the entirety of its campus to luxury apartment developer, Bertram Construction, LLC. The news came...
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Mom’s Inspirational Gift Really Turns Semester Around

One Mom’s gift to her son at the University of Florida really seems to have made an impact on his semester, according to a...
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SG Political Debate Derails Thanksgiving Dinner

UF freshman Jenna Laughlin knew the political debate was inevitable when she sat down to Thanksgiving dinner. “Especially in this political climate, debates should be...
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Freshman blacks out on Arizona iced tea

According to eyewitnesses at local PoliSci student Rebecca Morse’s house party, a freshman student reportedly got ‘blackout drunk’ on a .99 Arizona iced tea...
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Alumni Takes Out Loan for UF Giving Day

UF Giving Day is one of the most important days of the year for students and alumni. That’s why 2018 grad...
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