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Plant Sentenced to Death on Dorm Windowsill

A local coleus was selected from a UF plant drop, blissfully unaware that being handled by exploratory freshman Kendra Cotton is synonymous with certain...

Ominous Broadcast Interrupts Homecoming Game

Yesterday morning, the football stadium was ablaze in orange and blue colors as fans cheered and music played. Suddenly, silence fell as...

Depressed Student Eats Subway Five Days in a Row

A geology sophomore was recently spotted at the Rawlings Subway, the saddest Subway of them all, a full five days in a...

Krishna Ditches Refills, Causes Local Recession

The city of Gainesville has been consumed by a frenzy of unemployment, inflation and rising store prices after Krishna lunch ruled out...

UF Health Requiring Students Verify Covid Status with Pinky Swear

In the interest of protecting the health and welfare of students, UF Health has implemented a new protocol for validating data gathered...

Engineering Student Reinvents Wheel

Sophomore engineering students Cody Sinclair and Marc Thompkins have broken ground with a brand-new invention. “You know the saying,...

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Graduating Senior Lands Dream Unpaid Internship

After four rigorous years of coursework and countless applications, senior John Baker accomploished his lifelong dream: an unpaid internship. “This is the best—I’m literally going...

Report: Construction workers just banging on stuff

The numerous construction sites around the University of Florida have been recently revealed to actually be just a bunch of dudes banging on stuff. The...

Study: FSU students talk about Gators more than UF students

Results from a recent study show that the average Florida State University student talks about the Gators significantly more than University of Florida students. “That...

UF student graduates, raises family before SNAP van finally arrives

A special report was brought to the Crocodile recently regarding an incident that took place in 1985, where a UF alumnus claims that his...

Engineering Master’s Student Unable to Change Flat Tire

Masters of Engineering student Johnathan Khaling was stranded for hours on Archer Road Thursday after the left front tire of his Toyota Camry ran...

Study Group Fails Exam But Makes Lifelong Friendships

UF’s record for longest continuous joint study session was recently set by a collection of students who came together to prepare for the first...

Tennessee Fans to Tailgate in Supervised, Mud-Filled Pen

UFPD announced Thursday that visiting Tennessee fans would be relegated to tailgating in a supervised, mud-filled pen. “This was done for both the safety...

Senior forgets to take picture with Bull Gator, not allowed to graduate

One fewer Gator will be receiving their diploma during this spring’s graduation ceremony after a student made one tragic mistake this past week. Jennifer McMahey,...