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Team Of Loveable Misfits Solves Murder Mystery, Fails Group Project

TURLINGTON - Against all odds, and after weeks of hard work and single-minded effort, a ragtag team of loveable misfits has succeeded...

Biochem Professor Forgets to Unmute For Entire Semester

“I have literally not learned anything,” confided student Sarah Rangesh earlier this morning, when the penny finally dropped. “We are all definitely...

UF To Require All Incoming Freshmen To Be Over 6 Feet Tall

In a decision that “Definitely has nothing to do with being in the Top 5,” according to President Fuchs, UF is now...

Entirety of UF Campus Closed for Construction

On Sunday, the University of Florida announced that they would be taking on another massive construction project. Said to be their most...

Rejected Gators Allowed to Pay for Cardboard Cut-out in Lecture Hall

Hope is not lost for the 37,293 students rejected from the University of Florida mid-February. For the cost of an application fee,...

Century Tower Debuts “Chill Lo-Fi Bell Tones To Study To”

With exams on the horizon, and the consant hordes of students commuting across campus to study, complete an onslaught of assignments, University...

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Professor offers 1 word reply to student’s desperate 10 paragraph email

After a debaucherous night at Midtown, freshman political science major Nathan Cook awoke in a haze Thursday morning to discover that he had completely...

Syllabus week enters third week

University of Florida students are enjoying some extra free time and relaxation after syllabus week entered its third week on Monday. The first week...

Breaking: Turlington Missionaries Convert Each Other

A three-hour religious debate which erupted in Turlington Plaza between Jehovah’s Witness missionary Jethro White and Mormon preacher Josef Smithson ended in two tearful...

Late Guy in Suit Really Wants Class to Know He Had Interview

According to his Intro to Accounting class, one student burst in through the door of his 23 minutes after the lecture had begun, and...

LSU Tigers Added to Endangered Species List

Scientists and amateur football analysts have recently made the decision to add the LSU Tigers to the list of endangered animals and mascots. Their addition...

UF To add 1 new parking spot

UF administration is making a “bold new move” in relieving one of the biggest concerns amongst students on campus. The associate director of UF...

Harvard Declares Itself ‘UF of the North’

After being declared a top eight private school, Harvard, a research university located in Cambridge, Massachusetts, is proud to adopt a new title: ”The...

Portal to Hell Found in Little Hall Bathroom

In news unsurprising to anyone who has ever entered a Little Hall bathroom, a demonic force has reportedly ripped open the fabric or space-time...