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Feral Alligators Assume Control Over Empty Gainesville

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With Gainesville a veritable ghost town during the summer of COVID-19, an army of alligators, thousands-strong, has reportedly taken control of all...
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Summer Course Has the Audacity to be Difficult

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When one UF senior decided to take an online class during the summer, he said he thought it was going to be...
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Summer Abroad to be Conducted Over VR Headset

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One international Relations Sophomore was devastated by the news that her summer study abroad program had been cancelled due to the current...
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Frat House Bathroom Declared Level 5 CDC Quarantine Zone

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The Center for Disease Control and Prevention has announced that it quarantined a single fraternity house bathroom and restricted it to level...
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How to Make Your Gator Dining Favorites at Home

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Missing Broward Dining a little too much? Wishing you could relive the exhilarating feeling of swiping your Gator1 to get in? Lucky...
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UF Commencement to be Held via Astral Projection

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In accordance with the latest Coronavirus guidance, the University of Florida has made the difficult decision to cancel all plans to hold...
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Local Band Hare Krishna Drops New Single

For the first time since their 1965 MTV Music Video award for song of the year, local band Hare Krishna plans to release a...
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Shands in Need of More Orange and Blue Blood Donations

For the first time in decades the Gator Nation appears to be facing a shortage in school pride as SHANDS begs students to bleed...
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UF To add 1 new parking spot

UF administration is making a “bold new move” in relieving one of the biggest concerns amongst students on campus. The associate director of UF...
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Graduating Senior Lands Dream Unpaid Internship

After four rigorous years of coursework and countless applications, senior John Baker accomploished his lifelong dream: an unpaid internship. “This is the best—I’m literally going...
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Turlington Biker Fears No God, Rules, Or Masters

A sacrilegious bicycle rider known as the Turlington Biker has been terrorizing innocent people in Turlington Plaza. Students are cowering behind The Potato with bruised ankles...
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Tennessee Fans to Tailgate in Supervised, Mud-Filled Pen

UFPD announced Thursday that visiting Tennessee fans would be relegated to tailgating in a supervised, mud-filled pen. “This was done for both the safety...
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Portal to Hell Found in Little Hall Bathroom

In news unsurprising to anyone who has ever entered a Little Hall bathroom, a demonic force has reportedly ripped open the fabric or space-time...
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Harvard Declares Itself ‘UF of the North’

After being declared a top eight private school, Harvard, a research university located in Cambridge, Massachusetts, is proud to adopt a new title: ”The...
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