While the rest of us spend Halloween with family and friends, enjoying tricks and treats, some lurk in the shadows, intent on ruining the innocent fun of a silly holiday. Nobody can be sure just how monsters like this are created, but sadly, they exist even when we least expect it. And this year, they went too far.
Alaina Jones, 20, of Gainesville, Florida was in deep shock after opening up a Reese’s Cup to find a Seminoles flag inside. Who would play such a dangerous prank?
Needless to say, friends and family soon rushed to her aid. Her mother reports she is slowly covering from the ordeal, but has been left with a lifelong fear of all things peanut butter and chocolate.
“All I remember is a flash of garnet and gold, and then my blood ran cold,”
said Jones over the phone yesterday evening.
“I mean, GOD! What if she’d swallowed it?”
commented her boyfriend, George.
This condition of sudden respiratory distress after seeing or touching the FSU flag is known as Talahas-phyxiation. It is usually caused by extreme disgust.
Following the attack, UF issued an alert warning students and faculty to check all treats before consumption. Checkpoints were set up around campus to ensure that all candies were in line with orange and blue safety standards.
“This is exactly what UFPD was designed for,”
commented chief of police Ben Sassucks.
“To monitor miniature candy bars. I mean – to keep the public safe.”
The Crocodile received one anonymous tip regarding a Clemson glove stuffed inside a fun dip, but this turned out to be a hoax. From all of us here, stay safe this holiday season, and please, ALWAYS check your candy – this is a warning of how low the Seminoles may go to take a hit at the Top 5.