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Business Major Narrowly Escapes Pyramid Scheme

 Senior business major Blake Wolf has managed to escape a pyramid scheme and serious charges. He agreed to speak to The Crocodile...

UF Deletes all Social Media Accounts besides TikTok

In an unexpected turn of events, the University of Florida has deactivated its Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and even Linkedin accounts, leaving TikTok as the university’s...

Honors Student Chokes to Death on Own Ego

Honors student and computer science freshman Emilia Emsworth recently passed away after she choked to death on her own ego.

Recent UF Grad Unhireable Due to Lack of 10 Years Experience

When one student recently graduated from the University of Florida with a degree in literature she soon realized her past four years...

Ancient Clay Tablet Reveals Preview Staffer Origins

A research team from the University of Florida’s archaeology department has discovered a clay tablet that sheds light on the elusive origin...

Luxury Gainesville Apartment Only Has One Roach

As development overtakes Gainesville, yet another luxury apartment has been built near Midtown. However, this complex is being praised for offering something...

Student Finally Quits Quarantine Hobby

One psychology junior said she vowed to use her time in quarantine to finally pick up a hobby, do something productive, or...

Electric Skateboarders Deem Themselves Essential Service

Citing themselves as the most important organization on campus, members of Gainesville’s electric skateboard community have declared themselves essential workers in an effort...

Life-Changing Study Abroad Replaced With Crying in Childhood Bedroom

A visit to the Leaning Tower of Pisa has been replaced with eating pizza in bed at 4 a.m. Living amongst animals...