Hi Alligator,

I know our past has been rocky and we have a host of differences. I don’t report on crimes, print every day, or even use AP style. But I think that together we could be something great. Something amazing.

Every time I walk by your building, I think about what could be. You and me, working together to bring news and entertainment to the students of the University of Florida. We could go out on deliveries together; my boxes are right next to yours. I could teach you jokes and you could teach me when to use semicolons; we’d be happy.

But maybe it’s not meant to be. The stars haven’t aligned for us yet. I know you’ve been sharing writers with the Gainesville Sun, and I truly, honestly hope you’re happy. Sometimes I just wish that it was me you were comingling with. Just think of us both browsing the Associated Press database together until 3 am. Does it get any better than that?

So Alligator, tell me – will you go out with me? I know it’s unprecedented and I know that people will make fun of us, but that shouldn’t stop true love from happening. I’m ready to meet your parents, Campus Communications, Inc., and I know they’ll like me. I’ve grown from a small tabloid to a magazine. And though the world says newspapers and magazines can’t get along; I say why not?

If you accept, meet me behind the Weimer dumpsters at midnight.


Love always,


Crocodile Overlord and Janitor