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Good Life student reaches enlightenment

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  After completing his Analytical Essay the Sunday night before it was due, “What is the Good Life?” student Tyler Oram successfully found enlightenment. In...
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Humans Vs. Zombies Suspected To Be Cover For Gang War

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What was once thought to be an innocent game of cross-campus tag has now caught the attention of Gainesville’s law enforcement. The game is...
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University Simultaneously Pisses On Every Single Student

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While a mystery criminal has been terrorizing campus with acts of indecent exposure and serial urination, new reports reveal that the University of Florida...
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Abortion Posters to be Featured in Dining Halls

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The abortion posters that have been appearing around Turlington will have a new home starting next week. The owners of the posters have partnered...
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J Cole Comes to UF to Visit Harn Museum

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Hip hop sensation J Cole has recently revealed that the purpose of his concert on February 27th at the O'Connell Center was actually just...
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High School Girlfriend Spends Valentine’s Day Alone

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Samantha Mason, age 16, recently spent Valentine’s Day alone at her house in Ocala. The high school junior, whose boyfriend is now a freshman...
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Area Student Finds Out He Isn’t Original

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Local student Mark Johnson has started to think that he just isn’t as original as he thought after a house party last weekend. He...
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Skateboarder Breaks Space-Time Continuum Going Down Stadium Road

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A small set of skid marks on Stadium Road are all that remain of a local skateboarder after he hit terminal velocity going down...
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Library West Escalators Broken, Students Unsure of How to Get to Second Floor

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The Plaza of the Americas was rocked last Tuesday as one of its main attractions, Library West, experienced catastrophic failure. The escalators leading from...
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