After completing his Analytical Essay the Sunday night before it was due, “What is the Good Life?” student Tyler Oram successfully found enlightenment. In his essay, Oram compared an African sculpture from the Harn Museum to Sophocles’ Antigone, an apparently telling combination.

He can usually be found spreading his teachings to the Hare Krishna group at the Plaza of the Americas and can be identified by the incandescent light emanating from his radiant skin.

Witnesses claim to have seen Oram explode in an aura of greatness as rays of celestial light shone through a Library West window on him and his laptop. As junior Austin Li saw it, “This random dude was just convulsing in his chair with this luminescent glow.”

The Crocodile sent a reporter to interview Oram at the top of Century Tower, where he was meditating in levitation. He described the sensation as “thirty thousand and infinity times more euphoric than getting wasted.” Offering the reporter a joint, Oram said, “It was everything in, like, the universe at once, but also nothing, you know?

The reporter had the privilege to listen to his sermon to the Hare Krishna group. The following is an excerpt:

It all makes sense: Antigone connects to Siddhartha, which influenced the play Hobson’s Choice, which was seen by the woman who delivered the Common Lecture, who had visited the Harn Museum. If you don’t see how the Harn Museum glaringly relates to Professor Duffy’s lecture about his experience in high school then you probably will never reach Nirvana, at least for 1000 lifetimes.

Oram, whose essay prompt was “What is the cost of the Good Life?” allowed our reporter to see his paper. When he tried to view it, he was blinded by the awe-inspiring knowledge contained within. He is currently in a coma and is being treated in critical care at Shands.