What was once thought to be an innocent game of cross-campus tag has now caught the attention of Gainesville’s law enforcement. The game is now suspected of being a cover-up for a heated battle for territory between two rival campus gangs: the Fat Albertz and the 352 Boyz.

A secret informant has been feeding detectives information about the gangs. So far in the investigation, it has been established that there was originally only one gang, the Fat Albertz, who ran a massive underground operation at UF. They peddled Adderall, stolen quiz answers, coupon books, and occasionally forged student IDs. After much bickering and in-fighting, the once powerful gang split into two factions, the second gang calling themselves the 352 Boyz. The rivals now differentiate themselves with their accessories: the newly formed 352 Boyz pose as humans with a telling bandana on their arm, and the Fat Albertz sport bandanas on their heads and pose as zombies. After the schism, intense clashes for territory ensued. Turlington Plaza is an especially coveted spot for the gangs, the informant revealed to police. So far, the Fat Albertz have made an alliance with the Turlington preachers and therefore they continue to dominate the area.

Police are currently working on catching the perpetrators, especially after an embarrassing failed sting operation yielded no arrests. Apparently, an undercover student posed as a buyer for quiz answers to CHM2045 and told the Fat Albertz member to meet him at the French Fries. However, it seems the intended target got cold feet and never showed up. Contrary to what is circulated by the cicerones during preview, students almost never meet at the French Fries. It is speculated that the gang member became suspicious because of this and therefore avoided getting caught. The GPD released a statement this week, vowing to put an end to the terror:

We will not rest until the threat has been removed from campus, the final bandana has been burned, and the very last nerf gun is seized.