A small set of skid marks on Stadium Road are all that remain of a local skateboarder after he hit terminal velocity going down the hill. Bystanders say that they heard a high pitched noise followed by an intense flash of light and the disappearance of the skater. The police officer chasing him to give him a speeding ticket said that the flash occurred right when he clocked the student going 88 MPH.
The Crocodile’s elite time traveling reporters went back to 1985 to question the individual.
When they finally met up with the longboarder, Shane, he had this to say:
“Yeah, well I was definitely risking getting a ticket by bombing down the bike lane but I was mad late to Good Life. Why don’t they make longboard lanes man, I don’t get it.”
The Crocodile reporter who conducted the interview has not been found, and his entire family has gone missing. After the incident, multiple longboard lanes began showing up around campus, and the Alligator suddenly became a free real estate advertising pamphlet. UF’s official sponsor, formerly Pepsi, has reportedly been changed to Vans. Crocodile researchers have concluded that this was a result of the alteration of the space time continuum.
Curious about the recent space time break, we contacted the president of Transportation and Parking Services. All he had to say was “we still don’t have enough longboard lanes man, I don’t get it.”