Following a successful touchdown pass to Cpl. Norman of the Gainesville Police Department, Coach McElwain has decided to replace the entire football team with members of the force.
He was right where he needed to be for that pass,”
McElwain said in a post-game interview.
“Police have a tendency to be there when you least expect them.”
The new team, renamed the “Florida Tasers,” will reportedly take the field as early as next week during the SEC Championship game.
Analysts have praised the switch, stating that the Florida team needed to be more forceful on offense.
“No one is going to be able to stop the new offense,”
ESPN analyst Ray Bentley said.
All they need to do is pull that ‘stop resisting’ thing.”
University of Florida students are also excited about the refresh, with many saying that this is the much needed change that the team needed to make.
As support grows in the student body, many are ditching their old Gator clothes and donning new Florida Tasers gear with the Corporal’s face on it.
“It used to be in Treon we trust,”
One UF junior said.
But after that performance I think I trust the police more.”
With the changes to the team comes a significant amount of changes to the entire school culture. Albert and Alberta have been replaced with a full-sized anti-riot vehicle that will roll across the field periodically and spray fans with a water cannon. It will also be equipped with extra bright lights and loud sirens to scare the other team.
The Tasers bring with them an impressive lineup, including wide receiver Cpl. Norman, Quarterback Officer Tenpenny, and Kicker Please-Anyone-But-Hardin.
It’s been a good run “Boys of Old Florida,” but it’s time to make way for the “Boys in Blue.”
