The fire in the Keys Residential Complex that was originally thought to be the result of faulty wiring has now been revealed to possibly have been started by an engineering student who had made his own clock.
“Yeah an engineering student here was making a clock for one of his projects,” said Fire Marshal Mitchell Fuego.
Something must’ve happened and the clock exploded, starting this here fire. Luckily UFPD has detained this clockmaker and are questioning him for more information.”
Engineering Junior Mahmoud Awad was seen talking with two policemen at the scene of the fire.
“It’s actually a clock, there are no explosive elements to this timekeeping device whatsoever,” said a frustrated and battered Awad to Crocodile reporters. “They didn’t even find me or the clock near the fire. I was working on it and heard the fire alarm go off, left my room and came downstairs where I was tackled by two policemen.”
“We acted in complete self-defense” said the muscular and completely unscratched Officer Saul T. Bacon.
By self-defense, I mean we saw this student leaving with a device and beat the ever-living shit out of him. In self-defense.”
After a huge public outcry, Fire Marshal Fuego reported that the fire was indeed started by poorly assembled electrical wiring in the laundry room, and that it was a total accident for which Awad had nothing to do with. Shortly after this report, Officer Bacon was seen escorting the electrical wires out of the rubble in handcuffs, reading them their Miranda Rights as he put them in the backseat of his UF Police Cruiser.
Embarrassed, Awad has reported that he is planning on transferring schools. He wishes to go to place notorious for its acceptance of people of all faiths, colors, and creeds, a place with no history of bigotry or campus scandals. Somewhere like FSU.
