In a flip of decision earlier this morning, the UF Supreme Court announced that they will reconvene to review the upcoming electoral ballot. Online voting, a topic that was previously approved to be on the Spring 2016 ballot, is once again in contention.
As opposed to a fair majority vote, the Supreme Court has decided to “spice things up a bit” and make the historic decision in a more fun and light-hearted manner.
“We considered a lot of things when making this important decision,”
Supreme Court Justice Chad Durnham proclaimed.
We thought our first approval wasn’t as exhilarating as we had hoped, which is the precise reason why we’re hosting this new meeting: it’s all about pizazz, baby.”
The methodology for their selection is promised to be nothing short of fantastic. The historic event, which will undoubtedly change the Gator Nation forever, will be decided by a flip of the ‘ole penny.
“When you boil it down, it really makes the most sense. Why put the decision in the people’s hands when we can let honest Abe make the decision for us?”
Durnham said.
Others are in disagreement with Durnham and the rest of the Supreme Court. A vast majority of students, including engineering sophomore Tom Shiftie, were stunned to hear of the Court’s sudden reversal.
“This Court is more indecisive than that Reitz opening AND my ex-girlfriend Jennifer put together. Make up your mind already!”
Shiftie said through streaming tears.
When The Crocodile reached out to the penny that will be used to make the vital decision, it just stared, cold and motionless, waiting to enter its eternal dance with justice.
“Back off, fake reporter. I’m busy writing the fate of this school.“
