UF starting quarterback Will Grier was suspended from the football team Monday after a failed drug test, forcing him to get through the rest of his college career without the benefit of being the school quarterback.
This means that Grier is also forced to survive the next year with only his stunning good looks, superstar status on campus, and muscular build, according to sources.
Grier was discovered to have been unwittingly taking an over-the-counter medicine that caused him to fail a performance-enhancing drug test. As a result, the NCAA suspended him from football for a calendar year, which means that when gorgeous women gawk at him in public now, they will not be staring at a University of Florida quarterback.
“I’ll now have to revert to remembering that I’m not the quarterback at the University of Florida when I’m signing hundreds of autographs for adoring fans,” Grier said through tears. “Any semblance of life before this incident has been stripped from me.”
Grier now must take his strong jaw, likable persona, and large pectoral muscles off the field where he will be humiliated as bus passengers lovingly gaze at him on his way to class. When a teacher gives Grier an A on an assignment he didn’t turn in now, she will be plagued with a slight tinge of guilt with the knowledge that he is no longer calling out audibles on Florida Field every week.
“Whenever an attractive bartender gives me free drinks with her number scrawled on the receipt on Friday nights, I’ll have to invite her into bed with my enthusiastic girlfriend knowing that come Saturday morning, I won’t be surrounded by 44 other sweating men under critical pressure in circumstances that are putting me in medical danger,” Grier lamented at press time.
Treon Harris could not be reached for comment at press time, citing an “impromptu family reunion party.”