Dance Marathon begins today and while students dance for 26.2 hours, the Gainesville Police Department will be on the prowl to generously detain minors for possession of alcohol, in hopes of raising last minute donations for the kids.
Officer Mark Farren explained how the process works.
“Once an underage person is arrested for an MIP, that person must make a donation of $200, or opt for $100 and 10 hours of community service. We’re hoping they choose the first option, but you know how philanthropic these college kids are.”
Sighed Farren.
Sophomore Sara Rowe is on board with the idea.
“A misdemeanor isn’t even a big deal nowadays,”
said Rowe.
“My cousin spent a night in jail for public intoxication, and it’s like he’s a new person now.”
Unfortunately Rowe’s cousin is of age, so he will not be required to donate.
However, freshman Billy Smith agrees with Rowe that this strategy is for the greater good.
“Tell them to bring it. Arrest me, cuff me, tase me – anything for the kids,”
said Smith.
Farren said students like Rowe and Smith are exactly what he looks for.
“Most of the time when we’re walking through the bars looking for underage kids, it’s because we need to meet quota,”
said Farren.
“Dance Marathon is a better excuse for my police squad to enjoy a slushy at Fat Daddy’s or shoot some hoops at the Rowdy Reptile.”
Farren even plans to hustle students in a game or two of basketball at the Rowdy Reptile, in order to support his personal DM fundraising page.
“The guys on the force nicknamed me Michael Jordan because I didn’t make my high school basketball team either,” chuckled Farren.
Several cops will be patrolling the bars tonight and highly encourage underage students to test their luck.
“No one is safe,” said Farren as he demonstrated his free throw form.
