Local student Mark Johnson has started to think that he just isn’t as original as he thought after a house party last weekend. He showed up in his usual attire: leather boots, khakis rolled up to the ankle, a loosely-worn, tattered scarf, and a flannel button up. After arriving and expecting everyone to compliment his edgy attire, he was greeted by at least four other guys wearing the same outfits with different color patterns. Mark reportedly talked to his doppelgangers, hoping to win them over with his knowledge of music and media. After chatting for a while, he discovered that they all liked Death Cab For Cutie and Lana del Rey, as well as The Wire and even Twin Peaks. Realizing these were seasoned hipsters, Johnson decided to enter full-on pretentious mode. He pulled out his iPhone 3GS to search Hype Machine for indie bands, but Virgin Mobile didn’t have coverage in the area. In a panic, Johnson fled the party. We caught up with the now distraught student hyperventilating on the front lawn:
“I just don’t know what to do. I thought I was unique, that’s what everyone always told me… I don’t want to have to find my own interests, what if not everyone likes them? I mean, social camaraderie is the only reason I do anything!”
After the interview, Mark made his way to a palm tree his unicycle was chained to. When asked about why he chose this mode of transportation, Johnson had only the following to say:
“Two wheels are for conformists.”