GAINESVILLE, FL – Using penetrating insight to decipher the enigmatic passions of his nephew who goes to the University of Florida, Jerry Schwartz this December made the thoughtful and perceptive decision to purchase the student, Kyle Schwartz, a UF shirt for Christmas. Kyle, at press time, was still flabbergasted as to how somebody could know his desires so well.
I have no idea how my uncle knew that I was into wearing Gator gear, but I guess some family members just have a sixth sense for that kind of stuff,”
the Schwartz boy told reporters.
The uncle accepted his accomplishment with the utmost humility.
You know, Christmas is when you can really show your family members how well you know them by getting them gifts you know will mean a lot to them. It took a lot of hard thought, brain-racking and sleepless nights, but when the idea to get my nephew some University of Florida apparel popped into my head, I knew I was about to make his Christmas,”
Jerry Schwartz admitted to reporters at press time.
After struggling to feign smiles through revelation after revelation of personal favorite movies, games, and books given to him by his extended family, Schwartz, a sophomore majoring in Civil Engineering at UF, was brought nothing but pure joy after plowing through mounds of wrapping paper to find an orange and blue University of Florida t-shirt, complete with a Gator logo emblazoned on the back.
This is definitive proof that my uncle knows me better than anybody else does,”
Kyle told reporters as he shot a sideways smile at his uncle in one of the warmest press conferences we at the Crocodile have ever had the honor of attending.