For those of you who missed the exciting debate between the Swamp and Access parties, here is a play-by-play brought to you by the Crocodile. We didn’t attend either but we know a guy.

7:oo pm – Hearkening back to days of honor, the debaters began with a Western style duel. Each candidate walked ten paces away from each other and then drew their weapons.

7:04 pm – Two bodies are removed from the stage.

7:15 pm  – The arguments quickly devolved into a shouting match between both parties. Insults like “dweeb” and “lame-o” were clearly heard in the auditorium.

7:26 pm – Both sides got a little drunk and apologized to each other about the previous argument.

7:39 pm – They start talking about hammocks or some shit.

7:42 pm – President Kent Fuchs shows up to drop a phat beat for intermission.

7:49 pm – The lone attendant asks if he can leave yet. Both parties agree that he cannot.

7:54 pm – Reporter was asleep, information unavailable.

8:00 pm – Everyone got up, changed into clubbing attire, and promptly walked to Midtown.

Thanks for reading this exclusive coverage of the “very important” debate about campus politics. Below are some of our live tweets of the event, follow us @ufcrocodile for more pertinent news.

 

https://twitter.com/ufcrocodile/status/567850079274414080