The UF Department of Social Media Studies has released the results from the highly anticipated research done on students’ Facebook friends from High School who stayed in town to “pursue their dreams”.
The Poll, conducted Sept. 10 to 22 among all 49,785 registered students, found an overwhelming majority, 99.9 percent to be exact, say their newsfeeds consisted of pictures of old high school classmates with babies, posing alongside confederate flags, or the occasional paragraph supporting Donald Trump.
The rare .01 percent felt themselves too intelligent for a website like Facebook.
When asked about the poll, Junior Shane Evans said,
I can’t scroll through Facebook without seeing someone below the age of 20 with a baby. It’s freaking me out.”
Evans proceeded to tell Crocodile staff of his frustrations involving his Aunt Nancy sharing a picture of him from 2010, accompanied by a long-winded description of Evans’ progression into a “bright and confident young man”.
On the contrary, Freshman Paulina Sanchez felt students were being too harsh in their answers to the poll. She reflected upon this with a five-paragraph narrative as a status late Thursday night.
If someone asks me what’s on my mind, I’m going to tell them,”
lamented Sanchez. “I forgot how to write with a pencil since I type so much. Facebook is my only output to express myself and let my friends and family know what I did that day, down to my last meal and bowel movement!”
Officials haven’t released expected long-term effects of this poll, however, reports show UF students rapidly un-friending any Facebook friend who hasn’t figured out the difference between there, their, and they’re.