GAINESVILLE, FL – In the interest of respect to serious international issues, the University of Florida has decided to rename its Integrated Student Information System, or ISIS, to Half Automated Metrics Acquisition System, or HAMAS.
In the past year and a half, Islamic extremist group known as the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria, or ISIS for short, has gained national prominence as a violent terrorist cell. The University of Florida’s Integrated Student Information System, established before the middle-eastern ISIS’s rise to power, obviously had the same acronym.
We at the University of Florida are proud to show an awareness of and respect for international crises,
said University of Florida IT Department spokesperson Raul O’Donnell at press time. “We’re happy to display this awareness and respect in the way we conduct our business.”
The ultimate decision to change the name comes after a long debate over what possible replacement names would work. Some officials suggested shortening the title down to Student System, or SS for short. Others pushed for United Student Systemic Repository. Ultimately, HAMAS won the debates between officials.
Students have reacted positively to the decision. 19-year-old Kris Hoffman, a sophomore majoring in accounting, had positive words regarding the switch.
It’s really cool to be a part of this school that’s so socially conscious and willing to do stuff like this,
Hoffman told reporters at press time. “It makes me proud to be a Florida Gator.”
This is not to say that there weren’t a number of proposed names that were deemed equally or more offensive. The committee responsible for the decision, for example, shot down General Operations Platform immediately.