The Really Independent Florida Crocodile

UF Offers Fine Arts Scholarships to Subway Sandwich Artists

The University of Florida’s College of the Arts has announced a bold initiative to recruit some of the nation’s most promising upcoming artists: Subway employees.

Lucinda Lavelli, Dean of the College of Fine Arts gave a compelling statement regarding the sandwich-based scholarship, saying it was a no-brainer with the number of Subway shops on campus.

“If their meatball on wheat isn’t art then I don’t know what is,” Lavelli said, who also admitted on an unrelated topic that applications had been low recently for the college.

“And when they pull the sub out of the oven at just the right time, so the bread is golden brown — that’s worthy of a scholarship to me.”

Officially titled the “Whole Grains for Whole Brains Scholarship,” eligibility seems to be both incredibly specific and reasonably minimal. To be eligible, you must have been a Subway Sandwich artist for at least 1 year and “demonstrate a passion for the culinary arts.”

With an offer of $5,000, it’s hard to ignore the appeal.

Stanley Cooper, a local employee eligible for this scholarship, believes the program is well-meaning but unnecessary. Cooper claims that while he would love for his artistic passions to be recognized, his sandwiches are not his pride and joy.

“Out of all the things I would want a scholarship for, my sandwiches aren’t one of them. Want to see my poetry instead?”

While some students found the idea innovative, others are having a hard time taking it seriously. Jim John, a local biking enthusiast, said he believes that this gesture is unfairly biased towards the Subway Corporation.

“Subway isn’t even good, there are way better places in town to get a sub. Why aren’t we- I mean, why aren’t they being included?”

Mr. John refused to explain why he felt so strongly about this issue, but he and several others have started an online petition to force the University to include “sandwich artists of all kinds; regardless of color, creed or corporation”.