The Really Independent Florida Crocodile

Turlington Preacher Yells “I’m Right You’re Wrong” for 10 Days Straight; Vanishes

After ten full days of nonstop shouting, the Turlington Preacher has vanished without a trace. Before his disappearance, the preacher could be seen relentlessly yelling “I’m right! You’re wrong!” at innocent pedestrians.

During the first hours of his appearance, witnesses said he was preaching about his opinions and why he believed he was correct. As the sermon continued, the preacher began repeating the same phrase hour after hour, day after day. According to several eyewitnesses at the scene, the man did not pause to take a breath at any point.

Five days in, students began reporting disturbing mental affects from the repetitive screams. Multiple students booked CWC appointments for nightmares about the mysterious man and voices murmuring “I’m right, you’re wrong” in their heads.

“I saw him every day, yelling. After a while, I could hear him in the middle of the night,” said sixth year Grant Larson. “Like the most hauntingly beautiful Gregorian chant. I’m right. You’re  wrong. I’m right…”

A few students who were exposed to the preacher claim that they’re no longer able to control their own thoughts. They report feeling a magnetic force pulling them towards Turlington, and an inexplicable need to explain their religious views to strangers.

At midnight on a full moon, two students observed the preacher as his voice began to distort and deepen. He allegedly began to levitate, seemingly from the force of his chanting, and ascend into the night sky.

“I’m not sure what I saw, but it certainly wasn’t human. He could be a spirit, a demon, or even God himself,” said Larson.