Florida-favorite Will Grier’s recent charge of performance-enhancing drug use has been correctly identified as simply high levels of refreshing Pepsi™ beverages and hydrating Gatorade™ products.
The drinks, high in sugar and tastiness, have reportedly caused a false-positive in the NCAA mandated drug test.
“Man, it looked like he [Grier] was on steroids and cocaine at the same time,”
NCAA commissioner Mark Emmert told reporters.
But then it turned out he had just had an ice cold Pepsi™ only minutes before.”
Reportedly, the amazing qualities of Pepsi™ beverages can be confused as side effects of potent drugs. This is due to both the quality of the ingredients and appealing bottle design.
When I drink Pepsi™ I can throw the ball harder and faster,”
A nervous-looking Will Grier said.
“It’s like I’m not me without it.”
Grier has apparently also gained large amounts of muscle mass over the year, which can be attributed to the hydrating effect of electrolytes present in Gatorade™.
Gatorade™ has apparently been testing a new “G4” series that includes up to 100 grams of protein per ounce of the drink. It is this amazing innovation by Gatorade™ that’s allowed the rapid muscle growth.
Gatorade G4 “Ferocious Blue” will be available at your local retailer for the price of $4.99 each.
Pepsico™ has verified the above statements as medically accurate and would like to remind consumers students that all Pepsi™ beverages are on sale at a P.O.D. market near you.