University of Florida head coach Jim McElwain called it “a glimpse into the future.”
Others called it “fucking stupid.”
Starting next season, the Gators football team will retire its classic orange-and-blue color scheme in favor of a newer, sleeker design co-sponsored by the Internet.
These new black-and-blue jerseys are metaphors for the bruise-worthy walloping we’re gonna whip up this year,
McElwain announced.
The unexpected change is thought to be part of a larger effort to rebrand the entire football program and draw more media attention to the university.
James Franco, a newly named UF alum, said, “I think I speak for the entire Gator Nation when I say that the white patterns on the jerseys go really well with the gold frill.”
“Also, I’d like to thank UF for the $85,000,” Franco said. “I really don’t know what I did to deserve this.”
There is reportedly a plan in the works that aims to repaint the entire campus black and blue (or was it white and gold?) by 2016.
Student Government’s new president Vanessa “Nessa” Batalopez said, “UF did a great job choosing a design that isn’t annoying or confusing at all. Blue is my favorite color, so how can I not love the unis?”
Despite the general air of enthusiasm, not everyone is thrilled.
“This whole thing is ridiculous,” said UF linebacker Sam Cooke.
“Half the guys on our team can’t even agree on what color their own jerseys are,” Cooke said. “Everyone’s on their stupid phones adjusting their brightness and calling their families. Not to mention, the cheerleaders won’t stop arguing over whether it’s the ‘big blue’ or ‘big white.’”
If the plan was to distract everyone from the shitty seasons we had the last two years with a gimmicky Internet fad, then it’s working.
University officials were quick to send out a press release stating UF had thought of the color combination “before it was cool.”