Becky Francis’ hopes for a quiet day of class were doomed as soon as she left her dorm room.
Francis woke up the other morning, prepared for class, and left for the dining hall, but felt something was missing. As she approached a closing elevator door, a hand blocked its path and a male voice called out.
“Hey! I got you!”
Francis entered the elevator and muttered her thanks.
“On your way to class?” The boy, freshman Richard Johnson asked, and Francis realized her mistake. She left her resting bitch face at home.
Usually when I see Becky, it seems like she doesn’t want to be bothered and I respect her wishes,”
Johnson told the Crocodile staff. “There was just something different about her today.”
Johnson wasn’t the only one who noticed the change in Francis’ demeanor. Passing through Turlington Plaza, every flier-waver approached her and gave her the most thorough speech possible about something Francis really didn’t hear but nodded through anyways.
“If people look like they showed up to a class and the professor didn’t even do a clicker question, I won’t bother them,” one flier-waver explained.
She didn’t look annoyed or angry at all, I felt like we had a connection on a spiritual level.”
In her Good Life lecture class, a fight broke out over the empty seat that sat next to Francis. Even her pompous professor noted how nice she looked in the middle of class after showing the third Ted Talk of the period, adding a terrible, inappropriate joke centered around the phrase “give me that Becky.”
Tired of the unwanted attention, Francis returned to her residence hall to spend the rest of the day in solitude. When she took the stairs to avoid elevator talk and got to her floor, she was met by hundreds of boys packing the hallway.
“Becky!” The crowd cheered in unison, hooting and hollering. Unable to squeeze through, Francis had no choice but to crowd surf all the way to her room. After telling the thirsty mob to wait just one moment, Francis disappeared into her room, put on her bitch face and returned to the door.
The crowd instantly groaned, and the disappointed libidos of hundreds floated out of the hall, carried by the sighs of their equally-crushed peers.