After an unsurprising turn of events involving the continual dislike of Student Government parties, a representative from the Campus Squirrel Party has gained popularity amongst frustrated herds of students.
Backed by Presidential candidate Deez Nuts, the newly popular third party has garnered respect amongst students based on both their platform and the way they don’t harass everyone at Turlington.
These squirrels have been running campus since day one,”
remarked super-senior Andy Engelberg. “This is the first time in my seven years of being at college that I finally like one of the Student Government parties.”
The Campus Squirrel platform is minimal. Representatives from the party emphasized the importance of rummaging through garbage cans and chasing your peers up a tree and back down again multiple times.
Sophomore Political Science major Mandy Holthauser was keen to weigh in on the strength of the Campus Squirrel Party.
At first I was kind of freaked out by them, ya know, how close they get to you and just stare. But their platform is legit.”
Holthauser also praised the Campus Squirrel Party for being transparent with their budget. All $14.37 that the party raised this semester was spent on acorns for meetings, not frivolous items like shirts or pants.
Campus Squirrel party officials gave no comment to Crocodile staff, but were heard squeaking and flicking their tails excitedly.