During festivities last night celebrating his being named SEC Coach of the Year, Coach Jim McElwain turned gallons of Gatorade into red wine. Witnesses say the change was magical and almost instantaneous.
The holy event occurred at a black tie dinner held for McElwain at the house of University President Kent Fuchs. Invitees included McElwain and his family, members of the University Board of Trustees, and other members of the University’s coaching staff. The night consisted of the dinner, as well as a reception before and after, in which McElwain was presented with the award.
Despite the formality of the evening, McElwain insisted that the classic yellow-green Gatorade be served.
After President Fuchs toasted McElwain and the continued success of the Gator Football team, McElwain rose to give a speech. In it, he congratulated the team on their hard work, lamented the loss of Will Grier, and called Treon Harris at home to tell him “thanks for the memories.” He ended the speech by raising his glass and turning his cup of Gatorade – and everyone else’s – into dark red wine.
“I was shocked when it happened,”
said Yolanda Greenwise, a member of the Board of Trustees.
“It was a godly experience.”
McElwain was named SEC Coach of the Year this past Wednesday, a feat almost unheard of from a first year coach like himself. He was also named the AFCA Regional Coach of the Year. McElwain led the Gators to a 10-3 season and an SEC East Title.
I honestly expected it. I always knew Mac was some kinda warlock or something,”
said Woody Higginbotham, a defensive coordinator for the team.
My 11 disciples are the ones who deserve the praise,”
McElwain told reporters.
After changing the Gatorade into wine, McElwain gave a hearty laugh and began glowing faintly. At the end of the night, he and President Fuchs were seen shaking hands, sprouting wings, and ascending into the sky.