The Swamp lived up to its name earlier today during the Gators Homecoming game that was scheduled to start at noon. In true Florida fashion, the weather apparently decided to ignore the fact that it is indeed November now.
Temperatures during the game reportedly fluctuated between “I’m going to actually have a heat stroke” and “how did my ice melt so quickly?”
With no shade to take shelter in, many students simply melted into puddles of orange and blue sludge that flowed onto the field around the third quarter. We interviewed one student before he had melted completely.
Please get me water!”
UF sophomore John McDouglas said as he slowly turned to goop.
“I can’t feel my limbs anymore.”
The survival rate of what is now being referred to as the “November Meltdown” is estimated to be as low as 12%. The other 88% of students have melted into one giant puddle of sweat and Gator gear.
Visiting alumni were not exempt from melting. One student’s father was visiting from Michigan and apparently melted early into the game.
Yeah, he was in a puddle by 9 am,”
One eyewitness told reporters.
“Shame, he looked like a pretty cool guy. Oh well.”
In addition to the melting of students, the heat also melted the brains of every referee there. They were unable to see, blindly throwing yellow flags on every play and mumbling about penalties that never actually happened. They are receiving medical treatment and are hoping to be back to normal soon.
The sludge that remained of the former students reportedly is being collected by the University and will be added to a limited edition Gatorade flavor.
UPDATE: the University has denied claims of profiting from the student goo and is instead donating it to Shand’s research.