In accordance with the latest Coronavirus guidance, the University of Florida has made the difficult decision to cancel all plans to hold an in-person commencement in 2020 and to instead ask all the students and families who were planning to attend to utilize the method of astral projection or comparable out of body experiences (OBEs).

 This will allow graduates and their loved ones to safely travel by launching their consciousness out of their bodies, and to the Stephen C. O’Connell Center to take part in this ceremony. 

“Yes, this is a dramatic change, but it is the only way to ensure a truly safe environment for our valued staff and graduate,”

Said Commencement Committee Correspondent Cynthia Caldwell. 

“And yes, attendees will need tickets, but we’ll be sure to give a 5% discount due to the circumstances.”

Graduates are asked to dress in their full regalia, relax into a near sleep state, become cognizant of the vibrational energies of their environment and their own bodies, and then to simply float over the earth from their scattered locations and arrive over their alphabetically assigned seat in the O’Connell Center. 

For those experiencing technical difficulties with astral projecting their awareness out of the mortal realm in order to be present at their own graduation ceremony, the Commencement Committee provided a list with a number of other out of body experiences that may work instead.

 Some options include dreams, extreme physical exertion, near death experiences, sensory deprivation, sensory overload, meditation, or hallucinogenic drugs – though the school had no comment on that particular option.

“Obviously, we can’t do an in-person ceremony,and I get that,” 

Asked Daniella Martinez, a first-generation college student who was looking forward to walking across the stage in front of her family.

“But if this has been a solution all along, why haven’t I been allowed to just project myself to classes for the last four years?”