The Standard’s Rooftop Pool Found to be Clear Natty Light


No running, no diving, and now no chugging is allowed at this popular Gainesville apartment’s pool.

After one of The Standard’s resident complained about a pack of fraternity brothers constantly mentioning that she “smelled like tailgate,” officials investigated the popular hangout.

“Yes, it has been confirmed by our team that the pool was filled with 100 percent cheap beer,” said pool inspector and lead detective Arnold Vase,

“The reasons for the clear color remain unknown, as do the reasons for how the beer ended up in the pool.”

According to an anonymous source, a few residents complained about the pool water tasting like urine, but hotel officials assumed it was a lazy prank by their freshman residents.

“To be honest I was actually a little surprised to hear that people had actually been swimming in the pool long enough to notice,” said Standard owner Bud Miller,

“I had assumed it was mainly used for Instagram photo backgrounds.”

For the few residents who actually use the pool, the beer reportedly created a mild stinging sensation, but no actual damage to the eye. Due to the long shelf life of beer, it is unclear as to how long the beer has been in the pool. However, Miller said he had no plans on draining the pool and putting water back in.

“Are you kidding? College students love beer. Do you know how much I could charge for kids to use this pool now? I could charge quarters! Ha, get it?”

Although we’re not sure how these new rent prices will stack up, we are sure of one thing: students are calling shotgun to line up for what is now listed as this new amenity on the apartment’s website.


The Standard’s Rooftop Pool Found to be Clear Natty Light

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