In response to mounting criticism over the fact that they have done nothing to address the impacts of the Covid-19 pandemic on the student body, the University of Florida’s student government has voted to issue $12.00 stimulus checks to impacted students as long as they meet a few simple requirements. 

Many students previously expected to be included in the $2 billion economic stimulus effort of the United States government and only recently learned they would not be eligible for a $1200 stimulus check, nor would their parents who still claim them as dependents.

“We’re saving more money than we even know what to do with now that campus is basically empty. That’s why we’re generously offering to refund less than one credit hours’ worth of student fees per qualifying Gator,”

said SG Refunds Manager Shane Dooley.

“It’s the least we could do to help out constituents. It’s truly, precisely the least.”  

Thanks to this generous relief bill, while students mourn their social lives, summer internships, and freedom, a select few of them will be able to take comfort in the fact that they can pay off the late fee for that library book they left in their dorm, buy almost a month’s worth of a Netflix subscription, or tip their pizza delivery person.   

Responses to the stimulus payments have been split.

“At first I was like, ‘Cool, free money!’ Then I was like, wait, it was my money, and they’re keeping most of it,”

said dissident Jamie Carter.

Others expressed gratitude.

“My job offers just got cancelled, so everything helps,”

said graduating senior Devin Walker.

“This is almost enough gas money to get back to my parents house, where I’ll probably be stuck forever.”

To qualify, all you need to have done is vote in the last student election. 

Simply reply to the student government’s official announcement with photographic proof of your “I voted” sticker and your bank account information.