A recent press release by Target Corp, has revealed that a new miniature Target will be opening inside of the existing Target on the ground floor of The Standard. The small-scale store is expected to be completed within the month, using the same speed-over-quality construction company that built the Standard.
The mini-Target will cater to residents of The Standard, stocking overpriced essentials for students with unlimited budgets. The 300 square foot store will have only two aisles: a refrigerated aisle for snacks and drinks, including cheap alcohol in bulk, and a “miscellaneous” aisle with red cups, Hot Cheetos, and exactly three notebooks.
“When we opened the full-service Target, we didn’t realize that college students only buy the same 7 items over and over again,” said regional manager Tyler Young. “This super-concentrated Target is a last ditch effort for this location to turn a profit.”
The new addition will have a separate storefront, and will replace the restrooms of the current store. Customers will need a key fob from the standard to have access, meaning that only residents will be able to raid the dedicated Whiteclaw section. A single employee will be available to assist with the self-checkout machine for customers who are too drunk to operate it.
Non-Standard residents have criticized the Mini Target, saying that it’s unfair that a key fob will be required for entry. To address this issue, the store will be adding membership options, including parking, for $150 a month.
The neighboring Publix has begun talks about adding a Mini Publix inside of its nearby location. While plans are not definite, our sources have revealed that this store would exclusively sell chicken tender Pub Subs.