The RTS bus system has decided to make changes to its cooling system after numerous complaints of excessive sweat throughout the bus.
“The amount of sweat got so high in the bus I had to bring my snorkel just to survive the trip.”
Said Arnold Brady, an engineering major who lives three blocks from campus but still hasn’t mastered the complexities of riding a bike.
The buses will be installing those things that spray people at theme parks to counteract the heat. They will be receiving the machines from Disney theme parks as Disney moves forward with their plan to remove all air conditioning and raise water bottle prices to $38.
“I just felt that riding our buses is as enjoyable as rides at a theme park so it was only natural to get those things that spray you at theme parks instead of better air conditioning.”
Said RTS CEO Mike Applebomb.
The things that spray people at theme parks will be installed over the seats and controlled by the driver of the bus. The drivers are being told that circus hoses are being installed to spray at annoying passengers to get the drivers more excited about the additions.
“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you, don’t walk in front of my bus!”
Said unknown (but assumingly all) RTS bus drivers.
This new addition to the buses is expecting to drop the temperature by 1 degree but raise refreshment by 300%.
“It’s not all great. I now have to go the gym because I don’t lose 5 pounds in sweat every time I ride the bus anymore.”
Said UF Junior Samantha Pierzinski, who has a scooter but rides the bus so she has yet another thing to complain about.
The process of installing the things that spray people at theme parks is taking longer than expected so they will officially be operational in all buses by the time Gainesville is freezing again.
Due to the funds being used to acquire the things that spray people at theme parks, RTS will be dropping 90% of its buses, usually leaving a single bus for each route.
