Paynes Prairie has announced today that it will be introducing a new initiative this month called “Stargaze and Chill.”
The Paynes Prairie representative told reporters that due to a general lack of interest in actual nature, the state park has decided to try and take a more modern route to appeal to Gainesville students. Now from Friday through Sunday the preserve will be free for anyone with a student ID to bring a guest and stargaze for any amount of time.
“We realized kids just don’t care about wildlife, or taking long walks in the woods anymore.”
Said spokesman Peter Robertson.
“But what they do care about is having ‘alone time’ with a hot girl from geometry, or that cool guy from the gym.”
The “Stargaze and Chill” campaign will give each couple a sanctioned space of their own and include a free blanket rental. Robertson said the setup is the “perfect package” for anyone who can’t afford a Netflix subscription but still wants to achieve the desired “chill” effect.
“Dude, for some old swamp I’m actually pretty into it.”
Said Dave Burkowitz, a junior finance major.
“I’m sick of my roommates hanging around in the background while I’m trying to hang out with a new girl. At this thing it’s not like some deer can come in and tell me to turn the volume down.”
Already the event is expected to be fully booked until April, with students texting long-time partners and strangers from midtown alike to see if they want to “Look at some stars and just chill or whatever.” The astounding popularity has even caused officials to open up even more of the 20-thousand-acre park to make enough room for everyone. Burkowitz said that he can see why the secluded location is so desirable and he expects to make multiple visits back this year.
“Don’t get me wrong it’s awesome impressing girls with constellations and everything. The only thing that sucks is that you definitely have to drive her home afterward.”