Op Ed: We can make this 4 day weekend even longer if we try

This 4 day weekend is awesome, I don’t want it to end! And you know what? It doesn’t have to. We, as UF students, should not be content with only getting something great; we should get whatever we desire.

And right now I desire an extra day or two to sit on my couch and worry about going back to classes.

I have a few plans that could get us a 5 day, 6 day, or even the mythical week long weekend (spring break in September, suckas!). They’re in no particular order but if you guys wanna help me out with any let me know.

PLANS FOR WEEK LONG WEEKEND:

POWER POOPER – Okay, so all the power in the city comes from GRU, right? Commentary on local utility monopolies aside, that makes it an easy target. If we could get like a rock or something and throw it at their…uh, electricity makers or whatever it should take the whole grid down. If we got a few people we could do a boulder instead of a rock for extra effectiveness. No power, no class!

THE GREAT RTS BAIT AND SWITCH AND STEAL – Follow this one closely, it’s simple if you understand the steps. RTS buses bring students to class. RTS buses need gasoline to work. If you take away the gasoline, the buses won’t work. RTS shutdown = class shutdown = 24 more hours to play Runescape. If we could reroute the gasoline from the RTS station to the Kangaroo on University and 13^th, it would take the buses ages to refill their tanks because of the long lines and homeless people asking for cigarettes! It’s perfect!!

HERMINE PART 2: RESURRECTION – So the first hurricane was a bust. No offense to anyone who was involved in creating it, but it sucked hardcore. Nothing broke, and the rain had less water pressure than my shower (and my shower is from like 1970). BUT if we sped up global warming by like 500000% we could create strong weather patterns almost immediately. I think we could do it just by driving around a lot in circles to use gas, or maybe feeding cows Taco Bell so they fart more and release more methane into the atmosphere. Or even just start throwing cans in the trash instead of recycling bins.