It was an image that will stay burned in their minds of those who witnessed it for the rest of time. Some wept, some screamed with fury, others stood with their mouths wide open. The blood red doom-mobile made its way down 13th street – carrying with it the scaly symbol of hope that has long been the glue holding campus together. The Marston gator held its head high for the whole journey.
said the gator.
“I’ve lived in that pond for years and never had any problem. I knew those red truck rascals leeched off the students, but I never thought they’d come for me.”
Reportedly, a red three decal sticker is required for access to the Marston pond. The gator had no such decal on him.
“He clearly violated campus policy,”
said a Superior Towing representative.
“Reptiles don’t get a free pass during the 9am-4pm window.”
Clearly, neither do cultural icons.
The Crocodile reached out to Dr. Swanson, long-time reptile researcher at UF, for comment.
“It’s well known that reptiles can’t read parking signs,”
“However, there’s not enough research yet to determine whether or not gators have the ability to purchase themselves a decal sticker online. One could argue that the gator had the ability, but chose to disobey the rules. We just don’t know for sure.”
“Honestly, I’m just surprised we let him get away with it for this long,”
commented the manager of UF Parking and Transportation.
A GoFundMe has been started to help the Marston gator cover costs.