After years of speculation and investigative reporting, the truth about syllabus day “notes” has been revealed. According to a recent breakthrough, students with MacBooks are only hitting random keys during the first lecture of the semester.

“I like the sound it makes when we’re all clicking at the same time,” said Business senior Matthew Campbell. “It really is a key part of the Apple culture.” 

MacBook owners share a secret subculture that unites them regardless of major or seniority. This unspoken bond is based on the appearance of being hard at work, even when nothing is being taught in class. Content is irrelevant.   

“It creates a real sense of belonging,” said Eugene Marcelino, a freshman engineering major. “I know Jessica from Tri-Delta would never talk to me out loud, but when we click our keys simultaneously, we have something deeper than words.” 

Steven Moore, a graduate student, is one of the few people remaining who knows about the rise of the MacBook cult.

“Long, long ago, one brave student dared to hit random keys out of boredom during the first day of class,” explained Moore. “Other students assumed he was taking notes, and then they started typing nonsense too. MacBook users still continue this tradition today.”

When approached after class about their key clicking habits, almost every student denied partaking in the ritual. A few outliers owned up to the truth with a sense of arrogant pride. As if owning a paper thin laptop made up for every character flaw they had. As if it this overpriced laptop was a key part of their self-worth.

The MacBook kids pretend to care about aesthetics and high-end technology, when really they’re just trying to fill a gaping hole in their lives.

Take away the MacBook and what’s left? A husk of a person. And AirPods.