National retail chain Walmart was reeling after unusual inventory issues following the beginning of the 2013 fall semester. They experienced a deluge of students visiting the local Walmart to purchase new clothing. Within hours, the entire stock of most stores were completely emptied. The main targets seemed to be pastel colored shorts and button-ups. Market analysts are blaming fraternities for the sudden increase in the newest hideous fad-clothing.

In the wake of the sell-out was a debilitating surplus of school supplies. Unopened pallets of notebooks, filler paper, and writing utensils plagued the aisles of the store and hassled people who just wanted the colorful outerwear. The situation got to a point where some of the supervisors agreed just to take the school supplies out back and burn them to make more space. When questioned about the decision, one supervisor had to say

“We just took the action that seemed most logical to us. We know what these college kids want, and apparently it’s not school supplies. Would you rather go to a frat party, get wasted, and take advantage of women, or stay in and study like a little dweeb?”

As of this reporting, students who were unable to get the clothing had been reduced to verbally begging for attention all over campus.