GAINESVILLE, FL – A study conducted by UF researchers this past October discovered a link between attention-deficit disorder and a surplus of spending money once students head to college. Head researcher Phillip Stern described the results as “incomprehensible” and “just downright confusing.”
“Part of science is honesty with the results, and we can honestly say that we have crunched all the numbers, toyed with all of the statistics and research, and still been unable to discern any reason for this correlation we found between ADD and students having extra cash on them,”
explained Stern.
Early theories to explain this bizarre conundrum suggested that the desire to not let parents down inspires college students with ADD to excel above and beyond the norm in every way, which includes academics and finances. But hard research and facts proved otherwise, Stern told reporters.
“They don’t really work more than anybody else. We don’t really get it,”
claimed Stern at press time. The researchers were given the green light last week to continue with further studies to get to the bottom of the perplexing enigma. They plan to perform various brain scans on a handful of students with both ADD and ADHD to determine if brain physiology has something to do with the incomprehensible results.
Students with ADD were oddly reserved when asked about the phenomenon. UF student Jackson Key, who has ADD, was approached at press time about the results of the study for comment, but he merely shuffled his feet, began to walk away and said
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
At press time, Stern was noticeably fatigued and surrounded by over 26 empty water bottles. He explained that the research team put all of the work in on the last night and is just ready to be able to sleep again.