The Midnight Fun Run has been a tradition since 2007 for UF students to annually get together and run 5 kilometers in an effort to forget about the impending week of exams quickly approaching. Unfortunately, more gurneys were lifted than spirits at the event last night as hundreds were hospitalized minutes into the race. Unbelievably, over 76% of the participants required medical assistance, or even resuscitation within a quarter mile of the start line. Fun Runner Brody Lane, 19, was part of the minority who was able to finish the race with most of his body parts intact and was stunned by what he witnessed.
They just started dropping like flies all around me. Literally we ran maybe 2 blocks before so many people had either passed out or twisted their ankles that they had to bring an RTS bus around to take people to the ER. ‘Fun’ my ass.”
Many of the other participants shared Lane’s sentiments in resenting the “pussyasses” who essentially put an end to what should have been a fairly straightforward activity, in a matter of minutes. Though most of the aforementioned injured participants neglected to give statements, one Madison “Mads” Lowe, 18, spoke on behalf of her peers:
That run was like, crazy hard! My friends and I signed up because we walk to class every day so we thought it should be totally easy. But then we got started and I couldn’t Snapchat and run at the same time, and now I don’t even have a cool video on my story. Plus my free shirt has blood on it.”
Because of the amount of involvement from overwhelmingly underprepared students, the Midnight Fun Run coordinating team is now requiring that next year’s registrants complete a series of basic physical tasks to prove they are not a health risk. The test will include jogging from Turlington to Marston Library, lacing a pair of running shoes, and correctly identifying water out of a selection of fluids.