Ashley Price has grievances with her classmate Suzie Carroll after receiving a poor grade on a peer-reviewed essay. Price claims that Carroll unjustly took out anger from her personal life onto the essay.
An excerpt from Carroll’s revisions reads, “I don’t get why you feel the need to use these big words in your thesis statement. You’re hiding something. I hope she gives you what I couldn’t. Is it really so hard not to Snapchat other women, Bryce? IS IT SO HARD???”
“My essay was on socioeconomic disparity in Botswana,”
“I just don’t think Suzie’s criticism was constructive.”
Price emailed Professor Eric Kant about receiving a different grade for her essay. However,Kant was busy sipping martinis on a cruise, due to all the free time he had from forcing his students to do his job for him.
“When professors make me peer review, I just give my own paper a 100 and say that a blatantly fake name graded me,”
said classmate Ellisworth Namington the Third.
“It works like a charm.”
The day that the peer-reviewed essay grades were released, anarchy broke out in the lecture hall. Students were brawling, and a small fire had to be put out in the back row.
“Professor Kant is still on his cruise, so I’m in charge,”
said TA Warner Borowski, dodging a Molotov cocktail labelled “Breakfast for Bryce” that Carroll had thrown across the room.
“I know students hate peer-reviewed essays, but not to worry. The next assignment is a group project!”