The Gators have found a new Head Coach for the football team in Dan Mullen. There were other strong candidates for the position but Dan really fit the most important criteria for a Gators football coach: He looks like your dad.
“We like hiring guys that look like they take their kids’ T-ball games way too seriously.”
Said UF Athletic Director Scott Stricklin.
“We also like to see some modeling experience in ads for Bass Pro Shop or New Balance.”
The Gators rich history in hiring head coaches that look like your dad dates all the way back to Steve Spurrier.
“The only reason I wore a visor all those years is because the school wanted me to be more dad-ish.”
Said Coach Steve Spurrier.
“I would’ve been rocking a rad beanie if it was up to me.”
UF students have embraced the dad look and have accepted that the Gators coach could take on a very meaningful role in their life. Many have said that the McElwain’s khakis and tucked in shirts was a comforting presence that they hope Mullen will be able to maintain.
However, UF football players have mixed feelings about having a coach with such dad qualities.
“I hate when he grounds me just because I miss a field goal.”
Said UF kicker Eddy Pinero.
“He doesn’t understand me! I hate him!”
It is rumored that the dad persona sometimes even goes to far for the coaches, as it has been widely hypothesized that Jim McElwain was fired after seen lecturing kids at midtown on how they were dressed and how their generation’s dance techniques are unacceptable.
The Gators hope they have in Dan Mullen what they haven’t had in the past few coaches, the dad look without all the dad embarrassment.
