GAINESVILLE – Being a freshman can be tough. New students often struggle with making friends, balancing schoolwork and free time, and just getting adjusted to life away from home in general. Luckily, UF Chemistry major and Freshman Richard Gunk doesn’t have that problem, since he is technically a Junior and is universally adored by everybody.
“Yeah, I took a lot of AP’s, IB’s, ABC’s, and they were all easy as one, two, three,” he said to a group of people he just met all listening adoringly. “I also did a Dual Enrollment at my local community college while in high school, and so I came into college with like, 60 something credits.”
Technically, I’m a Junior here,”
he added as the UF cheerleaders appeared and carried him away on a throne.
Psychologist and UF Professor Dr. Daniel Flassid commented on the phenomenon.
“It’s quite simple actually,” Dr. Flassid explained. “The fact that the young Mr. Gunk a freshman by age, but a junior via college experience reflects a level of maturity and understanding unseen in typical 17 year old men. People look at him and see child prodigy.”
“Surely his friends and family don’t see him as a massive douchebag pompous enough to stroke his own ego in conversation with childish ‘one-upsmanship’ claims about intellectual superiority.”
Dr. Flassid isn’t the only one to recognize Gunk’s genius.
As his What Is The Good Life professor, I’m qualified to say that Gunk is by far the coolest and cleverest person I’ve ever encountered ever period”
said Professor Brown. “He’s technically a Junior, but he still has to take my class. But the way he snobbily answers my rhetorical questions, half raises his hands as he slouches in the seat, and savagely overuses words like “dichotomy” and “allegorical” clearly indicate his awe-inspiring humility, brainpower, social prowess.”
If you have any questions, you can find Gunk riding around campus and blasting Drake in a convertible his parents bought him last year for his 16th birthday.
