GAINESVILLE, FL—A freshmen student at UF braved the unknown side of campus on Wednesday all for the sake of physical health.
Although most underclassmen walk to the Student Recreation center from their dorm, Miles Houston, 18, bravely made the trip from Graham all the way to the mysterious Southwest Rec gym.
“I’ve heard that’s where serial killers and seniors exercise,”
Whispered Jane Bennet, freshman psychology major, a look of terror coming into her eyes.
“Freshman just don’t go there.”
Most freshmen secretly refer to Southwest Rec as “the graveyard,” a place where underclassmen are devoured by hungry gym goers. Although this urban legend inspires terror into the hearts of the innocent, Houston decided the risk was worth the reward.
“I’m, like, really committed to my body,”
Said Miles Houston, freshmen computer science major.
“I’d sacrifice myself for the equipment and my abs.”
Houston then lifted up shirt and showed off his extremely pasty and scrawny torso.
Leaving his dorm with headphones on, Houston decided to take a leap of faith and learn how to use RTS. Although mistakenly getting on the 12 bus route and taking a jaunt to Butler Plaza, Houston eventually found his way onto the 118, laden with shopping bags from Old Navy.
“The yellow lines of wire in the bus confused me,”
Said Houston.
“People kept pulling them and the bus just magically stopped.”
Houston mistakenly thought the Harn museum was the gym and spent an hour browsing the African and Modern collections before he noticed something was missing.
Tears of joy raced down Houston’s cheeks when he finally walked into the luxurious Southwest Rec lobby. He was immediately barreled over by a muscly, 230 pound water polo player in a tank top, but recovered valiantly.
Houston told reporters he know his struggles had been worth it as soon as he walked into the promised land of ellipticals, treadmills, weights, and swishing ponytails of older girls.
“I guess this means I’m a man now,”
Said Houston proudly, as he picked up a 20-pound weight in his UF19 shirt.
Although a success story, The Crocodile does in no way endorse exercising or going to the gym at all.
