The University of Florida has announced that it will move forward with exam week despite the beams of society collapsing left and right.
“I understand that some students might be having a hard time, but it’s really all about time management,”
Said UF spokesperson Tom Harold.
“These kids are smart, I don’t see any real reason for us not to just move forward with exams like everything is normal.”
Some students did not find this message encouraging given the current housing crisis.
“Tell me how time management skills are supposed to pay my rent,”
Said junior Biochemistry major Megan McCall.
“I lost my job at Buffalo Wild Wings and I have a 10 page paper due this week. Solve that problem for me.”
It seems nothing can stop exam week from continuing, not even the extreme weather that has occurred across the state.
“Did you know it was hailing today in south Florida?”
Said freshman Journalism major Robert Stewert.
“Chunks of ice were falling from the sky. In April. How am I supposed to focus when it’s clear that my timeline was swapped with a dystopian young adult novel?”
Several professors have recently contradicted students’ accusations that they have not made adequate adjustments to their curriculum.
“I know my students think Proctor U is simple and easy to use, so all of my tests are given through that platform,”
Said sociology professor Herbert Martino.
“Students have one minute per question, which I know is more time than they need. I don’t really understand the fuss.”
The University of Florida will continue to observe the situation from a safe distance of at least six feet.