With Gainesville a veritable ghost town during the summer of COVID-19, an army of alligators, thousands-strong, has reportedly taken control of all public offices and major lines of transportation within the city. 

“What we’re seeing is sort of a healing of nature,” 

Said wildlife ecology professor Ida Walrus. 

“With humans gone, the animals are reclaiming their territory, like the birds to the sky or squirrels to a trash can.”

Alligators apparently noted the lack of students (more so than is typical in a summer semester) and began their invasion, mobilizing from various ponds and swampy ditches in the Alachua County periphery. They’ve proceeded to puncture bus tires and flood roads, leaving the city’s travel times even worse than usual.

On May 26, the local government fell, and alligators paraded through the streets of Midtown.

While the invasion does appear to be a coordinated effort, it is notable that the alligators appear to act as one, although they lack a hierarchical chain of command, as they are reptiles without the capacity for language.

“O, what Icarian fate, that the instrument of our undoing should be that of creatures whose visage we so ridicule!”

Said Bob Derkins, the guy inside the Albert E. Gator mascot suit.

Bob Derkins was shortly thereafter consumed. On May 27, the mayor of Gainesville formally signed a document issuing his unconditional surrender. Both he and the document were also eaten.