Despite being cleared to register since mid-October, Franz Orwell, a senior anthropology major and local douche, doesn’t plan on choosing classes until the last possible moment. This is part of his continued effort to show his peers that he is, in fact, “authentic and edgy.”
When asked to comment, he was wearing a pair of ripped jeans and had this to say:
“Well, I’m majoring in life so I don’t really believe in choosing classes,” Orwell said. “Also, I ripped these jeans myself if you haven’t noticed.”
According to a few concerned teachers, Orwell has recently been spending all of class time quoting “Fight Club” and distributing copies of his poetry to unexpecting classmates.
“He clearly doesn’t believe in institutionalized education– or deodorant”, remarked his classmate.
But if he doesn’t agree with the system, why would he decide to attend the University of Florida in the first place?
Orwell used to be a typical college student with mediocre aspirations until he saw a documentary on Netflix last month that completely changed his already fickle outlook on life. The film was about a middle-age former artist who abandoned all his material possessions to seek a life of edginess, filled with talking down to people and smelling his own farts.
The next morning, an inspired Orwell decided to torch everything in his apartment – minus his zen journal and those aforementioned ripped jeans – and begin writing his new novel, “Death and Dying: A Theory of Thoughtlessness.”
Nowadays, Orwell can be found on the Reitz Lawn lounging in a hammock or on his wooden bicycle from the 1920s, cruising slow enough to give onlookers a chance to admire his style.
“I keep waiting to be interviewed by the Humans of UF girl so I can tell her my views on education, life and the patriarchy,” Orwell said.
Crocodile staff writers advise to avoid complementing Orwell at all costs. He will not hesitate to spend at least 10 minutes trying to convince you how “authentic and edgy” he is or how inauthentically edgeless everyone else around him is.