GAINESVILLE, FL—In a stroke of guacamole-induced kindness, Chipotle had pledged to send its tasty, uninspected leftovers to the hallowed halls of Gator Dining.
In an attempt to make up for the closed stores on February 8th and occasional helping of E.coli, Chipotle has partnered with the University of Florida for a new culinary innovation.
“It’s gonna be a whole new world in there,”
Said Miles Tracey, a freshman chemistry major that uses his meal plan approximately zero times a day.
“I might actually use the meal plan my parents paid thousands of dollars for.”
Descending like a carnita angel from Heaven, Chipotle will deliver UF students from mish-mashed, inedible evil into the promised land of cold rice, fatty chicken, and wilted lettuce (but no guac). Despite the questionable freshness of their food, most UF students are thrilled that the Mexican Miracle is finally moving into the main campus.
“Yeah, the walk to Chipotle was way too long before,”
Said Jessica Day, senior anthropology major.
“What, like they expect us to cross the street for food?”
The leftovers are so popular that Gator Dining is building a new Chipotle food stand in between the bathrooms and dirty dish belt. Staffed by recently fired Chipotle workers, this slice of slightly moldy paradise will give out half eaten bowls and burritos all day long.
Although the recent E. coli outbreak has made a few customers squeamish, college kids are famous for not caring about their health anyways.
“Lol, I can’t even remember what a vegetable looks like,”
Tracey said.
“But two day old, hormone-free beef? Delicious.”
Tracey isn’t the only student that is marveling over the hip new introduction to Gator Dining’s dull facilities. According to the Hungry Student Association, this new addition will help feed approximately 100% of the campus population. Meal plans will only increase by $567 per semester to accommodate this added luxury.
Moe’s, the notorious rival of Chipotle and the cause of many friendship fallouts, is set to deliver its leftovers in 2021, once it stops gloating over its queso and E. Coli free cuisine on Twitter.
