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Late Guy in Suit Really Wants Class to Know He Had Interview

According to his Intro to Accounting class, one student burst in through the door of his 23 minutes after the lecture had begun, and...

Century Tower To Be Replaced by 200 ft. Kyle Trask Statue

As the Gator Nation prepares itself for the looming threat of the Florida-Georgia game, University boosters have been hard at work on a necessary...

Graduating Senior Lands Dream Unpaid Internship

After four rigorous years of coursework and countless applications, senior John Baker accomploished his lifelong dream: an unpaid internship. “This is the best—I’m literally going...

Turlington Biker Fears No God, Rules, Or Masters

A sacrilegious bicycle rider known as the Turlington Biker has been terrorizing innocent people in Turlington Plaza. Students are cowering behind The Potato with bruised ankles...

UF Zoologist: Tigers to be extinct by 11:00 PM Saturday

In the leadup to the highly anticipated UF-LSU matchup this weekend, one UF zoologist has made a prediction that goes beyond football; extinction. Jeff Pringle,...

Donald Trump Jr. to be Paid $50,000 in Flexbucks

On Thursday, Donald Trump Jr. is set to speak at the University Auditorium, kicking off the ACCENT Speakers Bureau fall lineup. This announcement has...

UF commits blood sacrifice to appease U.S. News and World Report ranking gods

The University of Florida has been steadily climbing the U.S. News and World Report rankings over the past few years, and this month, the...

UF Cancels Flu Season Due to Upcoming Exams

Flu season. It's that time of year when everyone chugs Nyquil and stuffs their trash cans with tissues. However, this year UF has made the...

Freshmen Gather Around Steam Vent to Simulate the Warmth of a Mother’s Hug

A group of juniors-by-credits, known colloquially as freshmen, were spotted huddling around a steam vent with outstretched arms and tear-filled eyes.  “At first I thought it...