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Humans Vs. Zombies Suspected To Be Cover For Gang War

What was once thought to be an innocent game of cross-campus tag has now caught the attention of Gainesville’s law enforcement. The game is...

University Simultaneously Pisses On Every Single Student

While a mystery criminal has been terrorizing campus with acts of indecent exposure and serial urination, new reports reveal that the University of Florida...

Abortion Posters to be Featured in Dining Halls

The abortion posters that have been appearing around Turlington will have a new home starting next week. The owners of the posters have partnered...

J Cole Comes to UF to Visit Harn Museum

Hip hop sensation J Cole has recently revealed that the purpose of his concert on February 27th at the O'Connell Center was actually just...

High School Girlfriend Spends Valentine’s Day Alone

Samantha Mason, age 16, recently spent Valentine’s Day alone at her house in Ocala. The high school junior, whose boyfriend is now a freshman...

Area Student Finds Out He Isn’t Original

Local student Mark Johnson has started to think that he just isn’t as original as he thought after a house party last weekend. He...

Skateboarder Breaks Space-Time Continuum Going Down Stadium Road

A small set of skid marks on Stadium Road are all that remain of a local skateboarder after he hit terminal velocity going down...

Library West Escalators Broken, Students Unsure of How to Get to Second Floor

The Plaza of the Americas was rocked last Tuesday as one of its main attractions, Library West, experienced catastrophic failure. The escalators leading from...

Freshman ‘Definitely’ Going To Study This Semester

After an abrupt wake up call last semester, University of Florida freshman Timothy Jones has declared that he is indeed going to study this...