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J Cole Comes to UF to Visit Harn Museum

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Hip hop sensation J Cole has recently revealed that the purpose of his concert on February 27th at the O'Connell Center was actually just...
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High School Girlfriend Spends Valentine’s Day Alone

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Samantha Mason, age 16, recently spent Valentine’s Day alone at her house in Ocala. The high school junior, whose boyfriend is now a freshman...
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Area Student Finds Out He Isn’t Original

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Local student Mark Johnson has started to think that he just isn’t as original as he thought after a house party last weekend. He...
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Skateboarder Breaks Space-Time Continuum Going Down Stadium Road

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A small set of skid marks on Stadium Road are all that remain of a local skateboarder after he hit terminal velocity going down...
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Library West Escalators Broken, Students Unsure of How to Get to Second Floor

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The Plaza of the Americas was rocked last Tuesday as one of its main attractions, Library West, experienced catastrophic failure. The escalators leading from...
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Freshman ‘Definitely’ Going To Study This Semester

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After an abrupt wake up call last semester, University of Florida freshman Timothy Jones has declared that he is indeed going to study this...
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Turlington Potato Falls, Crushes Two

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Disaster struck last night when UF’s least distinguished landmark dislodged and rolled across campus, resulting in dozens of injuries and 2 fatalities. The potato...
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Local Walmart Sold Out of Pastel Shorts and Button Ups Amid Crippling Surplus of School Supplies

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National retail chain Walmart was reeling after unusual inventory issues following the beginning of the 2013 fall semester. They experienced a deluge of students...
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