Dawn your ties and press your dresses, it’s showcase time! Don’t be the goofball with an untucked shirt or clammy hands-just follow this simple to-do list and you’ll knock it out of the park, slugger!
1. Master your elevator pitch
It has been said that the elevator pitch alone can make or break your internship opportunity. Be steadfast and confident in your pitch; use your knees to lift up the elevator, and be sure to follow through after a long, drawn out heave. The farther you pitch your elevator, the better chance you’ll have of landing that sweet internship at ThyssenKrupp.
2. Perfect your Resume
Ah yes, the resume. It’s imperative to give the impression that you’re resume is filled to the brim with your experiences and accomplishments. All Fortune 500 companies require a resume printed on poster board no smaller than 3×5 feet (be sure it’s on biodegradable paper for when they throw that puppy out!) Sustainability is key!
3. Sweat. Sweat a lot
If there’s one thing Google loves, it’s a whopping pool of your own sweat, all over their booth and representatives. Bottling and distributing your own sweat samples is not required, but definitely recommended.
4. Use a sharp scalpel to slice your tongue down the middle to resemble that of a snake
Once this process is complete, go outside and catch a snake of your own. Bring the snake to the showcase for a side-by-side comparison of how great your tongue actually looks. Add a face tattoo that makes it look like you have scales and you’re all set, champ!
5. Gather a vast collection of reference letters
Any reference letter will do. Your barber, that guy you met at Walmart last week in the rifle section, even a letter from Mom will help raise your competitiveness. Here we come, Altria!
6. Monograms, monograms, monograms!
Literally put monograms on everything. Your jacket or dress, your shoes, a watermark on the back of your resume, all of these are excellent examples of things you can put your stamp on. Walk away having only answered their questions by repeating your 3 initials over, and over, and over again.
Look at the mirror and breath in slowly. Show those pearly whites, you stud!